heh. Volunteering yesterday was a ton of fun. Pervy medical types who uniformly dislike Valentine's Day. This could lead to only one thg.: LOTS of VD jokes. LOTS. My favorites included one fr. Sgt. H. in response to someone's saccharine greeting of (faux) holiday cheer: "Yeah, Happy VD to you, too -- hope you spread it!" and also my call of farewell to the staff as I left for the day, "Enjoy your VD, guys!" to which everyone responded, "Oh, we will!" heh. I'm sure this sort of banter really puts the patients at ease.
Yesterday was also notable b/c I got to do a lot of observation w/one of the drs. on staff. Dr. N is a nice guy, but I had never asked to shadow him before b/c he is rather reserved and stand-off-ish, and he seems exaggeratedly so in comparison to the rest of the staff b/c everyone else in that ER are freaking social dynamos. So point is, I had always been a little afraid of him (we fear that which is different!) and had never asked to shadow, but now I realize that was a HUGE waste of time b/c he was way more helpful and thorough than the other ppl. I've observed. Not only did I increase the quantity of ppl. I saw in one day, I also got a lot more out of it qualitativley, as he discussed ea. case w/me before we met w/the patient, offered his hypotheses, allowed me to watch during the exam, and then discussed what he gathered fr. the patient interview and how it helped change or shape his previous hypotheses. He even went over bloodwork and radiology results w/me. Gold Star for Dr. N!
On a completely unrelated note, I told Marion a story last night that she said I should really post on here b/c of its considerable comedic value. While I agree that the story is funny (I laugh every time I think of it), I'm not sure it's going to translate well to written form, but I'll give it a try. As many of you know, Eli has a long and varied history of buying me presents that are outrageously overpriced versions of smthg. that I said I would like. The two best examples of this are the $100 laptop bag he bought me for graduation fr. undergrad and the $900 digital camera/video recorder w/equipment he bought me for Christmas last yr.
Now, first and foremost, I must state for the record that I really appreciate that Eli put so much thought (and money) into my gifts and I have used them all. And when I laugh abt. these thgs. or otherwise poke fun, I am not meaning to be ungrateful. It's just that it tends to get a little ridiculous and I am usually left thinking, "For the money you spent on blah blah, I could have had a more affordable version of blah blah AND smthg. else," or, "...I could have had a more affordable version of blah blah so that when I inevitably fuck it up, it won't be a huge loss," OR, "...I could have had [insert other expensive present that I would have preferred] instead." Okay, yes, I'm an ungrateful bitch. Whatever. Read the following regarding this yr.'s bday present and you might be willing to cut me a little slack.
I knew in advance that Eli had spent a considerable amt. of money on my present (~$250 -- yeah, I don't think I'm worth it, either) and I knew that he had to order it fr. somewhere b/c they didn't sell them directly locally. So my curiosity was WAY piqued. The big day finally lumbers around, I get home fr. school that evening and Eli and Steve are both waiting for me in the LR b/c Steve thought it would be fun to hide my presents and watch me hunt. Which I did for a good 30 mins. After becoming increasingly annoyed after spending easily 10 mins. searching around the same place (b/c Eli and Steve told me I was REALLY close) that contained only a crystal ashtray Steve stole fr. one of Saddam's palaces and some car keys, I finally located the gift (after threatening to bean Steve w/the ashtray if he didn't give me better hints). It was hidden behind this jackass picture of Steve we have sitting on our mantle and it was....a flask engraved w/my name (he even remembered the all-important middle R!). I was pretty damn excited abt. this gift for many reasons, most notably that I finally had a way to discretely carry liquor at all times and also b/c it meant that Steve had -- for the first time ever -- paid attn. to smthg. I had said and then put real thought and effort into my gift.
You all know what happens when I get really excited (squealing, gushing, ecstatic cursing, jumping abt., etc.), so you can well-imagine the scene when I then turned to Eli and asked him abt. his gift. Tough act to follow, even if it was just a $25 flask. He smiles w/a look of restrained victory and says, "Your gift isn't here yet b/c I had to order it, but it's a..." [I am jumping fr. foot to foot w/anticipation] "...Longeberger* basket." I guess my big smile of slightly confused delight did not arrive fast enough for Eli to miss the preceding look of WTF? b/c he huffed in exasperation and exclaimed, "A Longeberger basket?! Oh, *my* God, it's like, a really nice basket! It appreciates in value! How can you not know what this is?!" Apparently, Eli had heard me mention that I wanted a knitting basket so that I could keep my considerable collection of knitting paraphernalia in some semblance of order. What I meant was "I want a big basket that retails for $50 tops to throw my shit in." What Eli heard (I guess) was "I want you to pay too much money for a basket no one has heard of so that I can try to be a neater wife for you."
I went fr. literally jumping up and down w/excitement after Steve's gift to cooing uncertainly, "Awwww...Thanks!(?)" while smiling w/more teeth than a rabid Rottweiler b/c I was trying so hard to look happy. You can see how this would be awkward. But terribly funny, though Eli did not so much appreciate the humor.
I say again, I *do* appreciate the gift. I know I will use it, it's probably an attractive piece (I still have not seen it), and it shows that Eli was listening to what I was saying, which is always appreciated. Again, you cannot fault Eli for thoughtfulness (though Steve has tried, saying that the real reason Eli bought me this gift is b/c he's so anal abt. neatness and this is one way to force me to be more compliant, not b/c he was thinking of my happiness) and I feel like a real shitbag for being anythg. other than unmitigatedly happy w/my gift.
But...
$250 for a freaking basket? I could have had a Roomba for $50 more and never have to vacuum again! And when I asked Eli (as kindly as possible) why he spent so much on a basket, he sputtered incredulously, "IT APPRECIATES IN VALUE!!" I'm sorry, dear, but the only way that basket is going to be worth more in 10 yrs. than it is right now is if I find a way to solve world hunger or win an Oscar and become an internationally known celebrity w/a cult of admirers willing to pay too much for my belongings. B/C otherwise I find it v. hard to believe that there are that many ppl. out there clamoring for a used basket made by a company that no one I have yet spoken to has heard of before. And that was Birt-day 2006.
I can write all of this b/c Eli never reads my blog. And even if he does, well...He's heard it all before already.
*You know what? I don't even know if that's spelled right. The basket in question still has not arrived and no one I have talked to has any clue what it is. Thus far, the only person aside fr. Eli who has ever heard of this company is his mom b/c she used to host Longeberger parties or smthg. Like Pampered Chef, but all abt. baskets. WTF? So I have the Pampered Chef of knitting baskets and I'm supposed to believe that this thg. is going to "appreciate in value"? riiiight.... I am so confused as to why such a company should even exist (other than to bilk well-meaning but misguided ppl. like Eli out of their money, of course) that I can't be bothered to find even the proper spelling of their name. Sheesh.
Yesterday was also notable b/c I got to do a lot of observation w/one of the drs. on staff. Dr. N is a nice guy, but I had never asked to shadow him before b/c he is rather reserved and stand-off-ish, and he seems exaggeratedly so in comparison to the rest of the staff b/c everyone else in that ER are freaking social dynamos. So point is, I had always been a little afraid of him (we fear that which is different!) and had never asked to shadow, but now I realize that was a HUGE waste of time b/c he was way more helpful and thorough than the other ppl. I've observed. Not only did I increase the quantity of ppl. I saw in one day, I also got a lot more out of it qualitativley, as he discussed ea. case w/me before we met w/the patient, offered his hypotheses, allowed me to watch during the exam, and then discussed what he gathered fr. the patient interview and how it helped change or shape his previous hypotheses. He even went over bloodwork and radiology results w/me. Gold Star for Dr. N!
On a completely unrelated note, I told Marion a story last night that she said I should really post on here b/c of its considerable comedic value. While I agree that the story is funny (I laugh every time I think of it), I'm not sure it's going to translate well to written form, but I'll give it a try. As many of you know, Eli has a long and varied history of buying me presents that are outrageously overpriced versions of smthg. that I said I would like. The two best examples of this are the $100 laptop bag he bought me for graduation fr. undergrad and the $900 digital camera/video recorder w/equipment he bought me for Christmas last yr.
Now, first and foremost, I must state for the record that I really appreciate that Eli put so much thought (and money) into my gifts and I have used them all. And when I laugh abt. these thgs. or otherwise poke fun, I am not meaning to be ungrateful. It's just that it tends to get a little ridiculous and I am usually left thinking, "For the money you spent on blah blah, I could have had a more affordable version of blah blah AND smthg. else," or, "...I could have had a more affordable version of blah blah so that when I inevitably fuck it up, it won't be a huge loss," OR, "...I could have had [insert other expensive present that I would have preferred] instead." Okay, yes, I'm an ungrateful bitch. Whatever. Read the following regarding this yr.'s bday present and you might be willing to cut me a little slack.
I knew in advance that Eli had spent a considerable amt. of money on my present (~$250 -- yeah, I don't think I'm worth it, either) and I knew that he had to order it fr. somewhere b/c they didn't sell them directly locally. So my curiosity was WAY piqued. The big day finally lumbers around, I get home fr. school that evening and Eli and Steve are both waiting for me in the LR b/c Steve thought it would be fun to hide my presents and watch me hunt. Which I did for a good 30 mins. After becoming increasingly annoyed after spending easily 10 mins. searching around the same place (b/c Eli and Steve told me I was REALLY close) that contained only a crystal ashtray Steve stole fr. one of Saddam's palaces and some car keys, I finally located the gift (after threatening to bean Steve w/the ashtray if he didn't give me better hints). It was hidden behind this jackass picture of Steve we have sitting on our mantle and it was....a flask engraved w/my name (he even remembered the all-important middle R!). I was pretty damn excited abt. this gift for many reasons, most notably that I finally had a way to discretely carry liquor at all times and also b/c it meant that Steve had -- for the first time ever -- paid attn. to smthg. I had said and then put real thought and effort into my gift.
You all know what happens when I get really excited (squealing, gushing, ecstatic cursing, jumping abt., etc.), so you can well-imagine the scene when I then turned to Eli and asked him abt. his gift. Tough act to follow, even if it was just a $25 flask. He smiles w/a look of restrained victory and says, "Your gift isn't here yet b/c I had to order it, but it's a..." [I am jumping fr. foot to foot w/anticipation] "...Longeberger* basket." I guess my big smile of slightly confused delight did not arrive fast enough for Eli to miss the preceding look of WTF? b/c he huffed in exasperation and exclaimed, "A Longeberger basket?! Oh, *my* God, it's like, a really nice basket! It appreciates in value! How can you not know what this is?!" Apparently, Eli had heard me mention that I wanted a knitting basket so that I could keep my considerable collection of knitting paraphernalia in some semblance of order. What I meant was "I want a big basket that retails for $50 tops to throw my shit in." What Eli heard (I guess) was "I want you to pay too much money for a basket no one has heard of so that I can try to be a neater wife for you."
I went fr. literally jumping up and down w/excitement after Steve's gift to cooing uncertainly, "Awwww...Thanks!(?)" while smiling w/more teeth than a rabid Rottweiler b/c I was trying so hard to look happy. You can see how this would be awkward. But terribly funny, though Eli did not so much appreciate the humor.
I say again, I *do* appreciate the gift. I know I will use it, it's probably an attractive piece (I still have not seen it), and it shows that Eli was listening to what I was saying, which is always appreciated. Again, you cannot fault Eli for thoughtfulness (though Steve has tried, saying that the real reason Eli bought me this gift is b/c he's so anal abt. neatness and this is one way to force me to be more compliant, not b/c he was thinking of my happiness) and I feel like a real shitbag for being anythg. other than unmitigatedly happy w/my gift.
But...
$250 for a freaking basket? I could have had a Roomba for $50 more and never have to vacuum again! And when I asked Eli (as kindly as possible) why he spent so much on a basket, he sputtered incredulously, "IT APPRECIATES IN VALUE!!" I'm sorry, dear, but the only way that basket is going to be worth more in 10 yrs. than it is right now is if I find a way to solve world hunger or win an Oscar and become an internationally known celebrity w/a cult of admirers willing to pay too much for my belongings. B/C otherwise I find it v. hard to believe that there are that many ppl. out there clamoring for a used basket made by a company that no one I have yet spoken to has heard of before. And that was Birt-day 2006.
I can write all of this b/c Eli never reads my blog. And even if he does, well...He's heard it all before already.
*You know what? I don't even know if that's spelled right. The basket in question still has not arrived and no one I have talked to has any clue what it is. Thus far, the only person aside fr. Eli who has ever heard of this company is his mom b/c she used to host Longeberger parties or smthg. Like Pampered Chef, but all abt. baskets. WTF? So I have the Pampered Chef of knitting baskets and I'm supposed to believe that this thg. is going to "appreciate in value"? riiiight.... I am so confused as to why such a company should even exist (other than to bilk well-meaning but misguided ppl. like Eli out of their money, of course) that I can't be bothered to find even the proper spelling of their name. Sheesh.
3 comments:
I especially like it because I can see Eli saying "It appreciates in value!" in that slightly high pitched voice.
I would like to add some important informational specifics. Sit back and be educationalised.
The Longaberger basket hails from Dresden, Ohio, the self-proclaimed 'basket capital of the world'. A coveted title, I hear you thinking - but - they do have some compelling claims to back it up..
Chief among them is the work of one John Wendell Longaberger, who took a job with the Dresden Basket factory back in 1918. He and his descendants are the reason for the US-made basket revival that you all no doubt know so much about.
No? Suffice to say that the Longaberger Company, now headquartered in Newark, Ohio, today has a 'basket presence' throughout Newark, Dresden, and surrounding areas. That's pretty big guns, I'm sure you'll agree.
Do you feel enlightened now?
Sadly, I have no life and I have heard of such baskets.
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