Friday was a very important day in my life as a resident of the Netherlands: Although I had to wear my coat in the morning, by the time I skipped along home at 630pm, I was footloose and coat-free! Yes, that's right, for the first time in four months, all one needed to wear to avoid hypothermia was a sweater and sturdy blazer! Also, it was still light at 630, which was almost as lovely. We are gaining an average of five minutes of daylight per day now, so when we switch the clocks forward on the 29th, it will be light out until 830pm!!! If only you could see the gigantic smile on my face right now, it's rather pathetic that this country has reduced me to being ecstatic over natural changes in the Earth's rotations...Incidentally, this 'warm' snap is set to be ruined by the return of single-digit (Celsius) weather later this week, but I am hopeful that within another week or two, my coat will be enjoying a well-deserved vacation in my suitcase, set aside for cold days FAR in the future...
Pedestrian (me) vs Bike (the rest of the Netherlands)
Today as I was going about town running some errands, I was increasingly irritated as I found myself having to stop before crossing every street, NOT because of cars, but b/c of all the people on bikes, tearing ass around town as if they were the only ones mobile. This is v. typical of Dutch towns (Utrecht is apparently the worst -- I would surely have an aneurysm), and while I admire the commitment to exercise and cleaner transportation, I can't help but hate these bike-riding jerks. Possibly this is b/c bicyclists here are quite rude, but more likely my antipathy springs from a much more primitive source: I know that I could totally take them. Seriously, if I were to decide to not stand aside as they come barrelling toward me, heedless of the fact that I was in the street first, or if I were just to jump on one of those wheel-borne monkeys, they would be eating pavement. Obviously, I would probably get knocked down in the fray, as well, but, in the words of physics, their body would tend to stay in motion until acted on by the outside force of the cobblestone street under their face. And b/c they would be moving at a higher rate of speed at the moment of collision than my walking self, the force of the impact would be far worse than mine. In other words, I would totally win. With a car, I don't have this knowledge pricking at the aggression center of my brain, so I stand and wait my turn more or less without emotion. But those bikes...Oh, man. Bring it on.
Not sure you can solve this problem by putting your finger in it...
Since January, I have been trying to get my Dutch taxes filed. I was given an email address of the person who was supposed to help me, but it has become quite clear over the last eight weeks that this person, like most other Dutch 'professionals', is a moron. Or maybe just lazy, which is actually worse than being a moron, since it involved some level of choice, whereas stupidity is often a basic matter of physiology. Anyhow, I have gotten nowhere with this person, and decided to join several of my colleagues for a visit to the office in question to demand assistance. Upon arrival, we ascertained that the only person physically present in this office (which is technically staffed by about 10 people) was a woman who had been working there for only two weeks and had no ability to assist us beyond recommending that we email someone else. At this moment I could not help thinking that this country is a monument to inefficiency and incompetence -- it's as if they have enshrined those two things as their national values. I am amazed that the dykes still work. The water ones, not the lesbian ones; like all other Dutch people, I imagine that the Dutch lesbian dykes work only part time, and probably not very well even then.
Coming to America
Pedestrian (me) vs Bike (the rest of the Netherlands)
Today as I was going about town running some errands, I was increasingly irritated as I found myself having to stop before crossing every street, NOT because of cars, but b/c of all the people on bikes, tearing ass around town as if they were the only ones mobile. This is v. typical of Dutch towns (Utrecht is apparently the worst -- I would surely have an aneurysm), and while I admire the commitment to exercise and cleaner transportation, I can't help but hate these bike-riding jerks. Possibly this is b/c bicyclists here are quite rude, but more likely my antipathy springs from a much more primitive source: I know that I could totally take them. Seriously, if I were to decide to not stand aside as they come barrelling toward me, heedless of the fact that I was in the street first, or if I were just to jump on one of those wheel-borne monkeys, they would be eating pavement. Obviously, I would probably get knocked down in the fray, as well, but, in the words of physics, their body would tend to stay in motion until acted on by the outside force of the cobblestone street under their face. And b/c they would be moving at a higher rate of speed at the moment of collision than my walking self, the force of the impact would be far worse than mine. In other words, I would totally win. With a car, I don't have this knowledge pricking at the aggression center of my brain, so I stand and wait my turn more or less without emotion. But those bikes...Oh, man. Bring it on.
Not sure you can solve this problem by putting your finger in it...
Since January, I have been trying to get my Dutch taxes filed. I was given an email address of the person who was supposed to help me, but it has become quite clear over the last eight weeks that this person, like most other Dutch 'professionals', is a moron. Or maybe just lazy, which is actually worse than being a moron, since it involved some level of choice, whereas stupidity is often a basic matter of physiology. Anyhow, I have gotten nowhere with this person, and decided to join several of my colleagues for a visit to the office in question to demand assistance. Upon arrival, we ascertained that the only person physically present in this office (which is technically staffed by about 10 people) was a woman who had been working there for only two weeks and had no ability to assist us beyond recommending that we email someone else. At this moment I could not help thinking that this country is a monument to inefficiency and incompetence -- it's as if they have enshrined those two things as their national values. I am amazed that the dykes still work. The water ones, not the lesbian ones; like all other Dutch people, I imagine that the Dutch lesbian dykes work only part time, and probably not very well even then.
Coming to America
But my adventures in this magical place are coming to a blessed end; I daresay the Dutch will be almost as relieved to see me go as I will be to have the proverbial door hit me on my proverbial ass on the way out. Yes, folks, I will be Stateside as of 15 May, for a couple of months anyhow. I will be in MD from 15-21 May, then GA from 21-25 May, then SC from 25 May to 7 June, then MD from 7-23 June, then Bea and I are taking her inaugural visit to Haiti from 23 June to 1 July, then I will be going to GA and VA sometime in the beginning of July, followed by Maryland for a week or so before I move out of the country once again, this time for more inviting climes than those of northern Europe -- the discordant but lovely Haiti. And I will be in Haiti for at least a year, so if you would like to see me before then, send a girl an email and we will work it out. Naturally, I plan to see most of you who still read this drivel while I am in the US, but you could still send an email, make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Which would be nice since my usual feeling here in Maastricht is hot and enraged, alternating with the ever-pleasant 'dead inside'.
Life in my office
There was a small discussion today about my weird fruit issues and Sachin impressed himself (and me, really) by remembering two of the three fruits that I actually eat. The one he missed was grapes, to which I had to add the critical qualifier of 'only seedless grapes'. Sachin agreed that this a reasonable condition to grape-eating, unlike my other neurotic reasons for not eating most fruits. From there, the conversation went roughly as follows:
Me: But I do like to pick the seeds out of seedy grapes (with my fingers, not my teeth) and then spit them.
Sachin: Spit them?? Spit them where?!
Biniam: Oh, you know, who cares? Wherever!
Me: Yeah, mostly I spit them in people's faces.
Life in my office
There was a small discussion today about my weird fruit issues and Sachin impressed himself (and me, really) by remembering two of the three fruits that I actually eat. The one he missed was grapes, to which I had to add the critical qualifier of 'only seedless grapes'. Sachin agreed that this a reasonable condition to grape-eating, unlike my other neurotic reasons for not eating most fruits. From there, the conversation went roughly as follows:
Me: But I do like to pick the seeds out of seedy grapes (with my fingers, not my teeth) and then spit them.
Sachin: Spit them?? Spit them where?!
Biniam: Oh, you know, who cares? Wherever!
Me: Yeah, mostly I spit them in people's faces.
2 comments:
I'm a fan of the use of physics in your blog =) Can't wait to see you again! I should have some time off around May/June.
You must take a day trip into DC!!!
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