And suddenly Fortune smacked me in the face

Holy mackeral, kids, it appears that there are fleeting moments where the Fates get distracted by some cat yanking their threads and forget their otherwise unrelenting mission to kick my ass. What am I on abt., you ask? Well, children, gather round as I impart the minor miracle that graced my existence this morning.

As you all know, last night did not yield any studying of significance, other than the Chemistry homework I had forgotten abt. until Katie called to ask a question abt. it a few hrs. before it was due.... (Yeah, I'm on a roll.) After speaking to Marion abt. the situation, I decided to deploy the Marioni Approach to Test Taking, which is to set the curve in the beginning, then say fuck it at the end and test your "real knowledge" by not studying at all. As discussed in the previous posting, this was actually a viable option for me, despite the anxious gnawing of my inner nerd. I realized as I was turning in to bed at 130a that I did not have an acceptable calculator for the morrow's exam. This is b/c my professor has (somewhat rightly) determined that his students have become increasingly dependent on their fancy calculators that cost more than they do, so his course policy is that we are allowed to bring only caveman-era calculators. I, until 645 this morning, did not own such a calculator, as I am among those who have become far too dependent on my fancy calculator (which, in my defense, I have been required to use in every math class I have taken since I was 14). Anyhow, at this v. late early hr., I realized that I did not have the requisite calculator (which I had previously borrowed fr. James, who is taking h.s. pre-Algebra and w/whom I am no longer living, precluding me fr. using my usual mode of escape), spewed an angry curse, thought briefly abt. ending my Wal-Mart boycott to go get one before I went to bed, thought better of it, said fuck it and went to bed w/the intention of waking up even earlier than usual to go get one fr. Kroger. Naturally, I woke up later than usual, w/the new intention of getting ready in 10 mins. or less (it took 13), managed to detach the rain spout on the garage while hauling the trash to the curb while brushing my teeth (seriously), and then rushed to Kroger where I prayed there would be a reasonably priced POS calculator and no other customers interested in shopping at such an unholy hr. of the morning. The former prayer was mercifully answered ($4 for the perfect calculator!), but of course I could not go 2 for 2 and I had to stand in line behind some dude who either got stuck buying the coffee break supplies for his whole office or who really likes coffee/doughnuts/styrofoam. I also learned that Kroger takes advantage of the wee-hr. lull to fulfill their EOE requirements, as the two women working had a combined IQ of abt. 27 and even fewer teeth. They were sweet, though. So, anyhow, I ran out the door, got a sidelong look fr. some fat boy manager coming in (yes, I know I look like a lunatic, what abt. it?), and managed to get a green light at *every*single*traffic*light* b/t Kroger and the back of post. This has never before happened in the history of man. I checked. That's, like, nine traffic lights over abt. 10 miles that I went through w/o so much as tapping on the brake. I cannot even fathom how much time it saved. It was at this point that I began to realize today may not be any ordinary day -- perfect calculator had been located and purchased in under ten mins. and under(my v. small)budget, then traffic was friendly. Absolutely unheard of. Of course, my tentative elation was dulled somewhat by my typically useless chem class (I now hate my prof just that *little*extra*bit* more), which led me to forget the morning's previous blessings and to vaguely despair anew at my probable impending physics doom. Okay, so it wouldn't really be doom since I already said it didn't matter how I did on the test, but I hate being a fuck up, and the prospect of that happening made me anxious. I put on my best 'bugger all' facade, cut my new perfect calculator out of its excessive packaging and prepared to fail a test for the first time since Algebra I when my fancy calculator let me down for the first of many times (you would think that little incident would have taught me the importance of not relying on the calculator...). I answered the first question w/ease, as it was just a regurgitation of Newton's Three Laws of Motion, a question that has been on three of our four tests (and which I missed the first time b/c I'm an idiot). I then conjured up some long-neglected Chemistry knowledge to answer the next question, a temperature conversion. When my brain suddenly sparked and remembered the formula for the next problem fr. a similar homework problem I did a wk. and a half ago, I began to think there may be hope for perhaps only a mildly embarrassing showing (as opposed to the total humiliation of failure). I then thought that was probably putting the shit-laden cart before the dead horse, but retained a cautious optimism. And, my friends, I am happy to report that for once, my caution proved unnecessary. I rocked it. I mean, if Physics had an ass, I would have kicked it so hard, it would be begging me stop. I may even have gotten a 100 on this test. A 100%.


And so the moral of the story is, no matter what your grandma told you to the contrary, indolence does have its rewards. Ya know, other than the fact that it saves you from actually having to work.


I wish there was someone around worthy of getting a margarita w/me. As I peep around my cubicle, however, all I see are Georgia Southern students, so too bad for me. ;)