So said most of the greater Charleston area during yesterday's commute when we all realized that the really thick, opaque "rain" falling was in fact snow, the earliest snowfall in Charleston's recorded history. I, being familiar w/this phenomenon and a rather impatient person, though to myself, "Huh. Well, I'll be damned, " and went along my slightly-over-the-speed-limit way. Or at least I tried to.
There exists a stereotype that Southerners are simply unable to drive in the snow. Like most stereotypes, this one exists for a reason; most ppl. fr. South of D.C. either barracade themselves in their homes at the sight of the first flake, or they brave the roads, which leads to one of two outcomes: 1) they end up in a ditch, or 2) they crawl along at the speed of 2, terrified that they will end up in a ditch and wholly unconcerned w/the fact that there are other ppl. on the road who would like to reach their destinations before Christ comes back. There were plenty of ppl. who took the first approach, opting to batton down the hatches rather than go outside, which meant that my formerly busy morning work schedule disintegrated rapidly. And good thg. it did, b/c of those who were on the road yesterday, more than a few fell into Southern Snow Drivers Category 2 (They Who Are Super Slow), causing my drive to work to be even more irritating and protracted than usual.
This irksome over-representation is probably explained by the fact that since the snow was not actually accumulating anywhere yesterday, there was little risk of ditch diving -- thereby eliminating a number of ppl. belonging to Southern Snow Drivers Category 1 -- but I guess no one else on the road got that message b/c as more ppl. started to realize that it was snow, not rain, falling on their windshield, traffic slowed exponentially. On a road whose speed limit is 55 m.p.h., I could not find anyone going faster than 35. It was as if they were all trying to stop and stare at the snow while still technically operating a vehicle.
I love the South. No, really, I do. I love the hot weather, I love the fried everythg., I love the iced sweet tea. I just don't love Southern Snow Drivers, particularly those of the Category 2 persuasion. At least the Category 1 guys end up off the road and out of my way. Yes, that's right, I am saying I would prefer someone to be in a ditch than to have him or her impeding my automotive progress. Yes, of course I'm going to Hell, which in my case will be cold rather than hot and will probably involve a perpetual commute in snowy conditions w/only the worst of the Category 2 types around me.
Until that time, though, I can pray that there will be no more snow this yr. while I sit back and enjoy my Thanksgiving feast of green bean casserole w/fried onion topping, mashed potatoes w/a whole stick of real butter in them, sweet potatoes w/fried marshmallow topping, collard greens, and biscuits w/a butter glaze. For the meat eaters in my group, there will be a turkey, deep fried in peanut oil, as is the delicious Southern way. Happy Thanksgiving, all you A-murr-icans -- esp. those of you fr. the South who stay home when it snows.
There exists a stereotype that Southerners are simply unable to drive in the snow. Like most stereotypes, this one exists for a reason; most ppl. fr. South of D.C. either barracade themselves in their homes at the sight of the first flake, or they brave the roads, which leads to one of two outcomes: 1) they end up in a ditch, or 2) they crawl along at the speed of 2, terrified that they will end up in a ditch and wholly unconcerned w/the fact that there are other ppl. on the road who would like to reach their destinations before Christ comes back. There were plenty of ppl. who took the first approach, opting to batton down the hatches rather than go outside, which meant that my formerly busy morning work schedule disintegrated rapidly. And good thg. it did, b/c of those who were on the road yesterday, more than a few fell into Southern Snow Drivers Category 2 (They Who Are Super Slow), causing my drive to work to be even more irritating and protracted than usual.
This irksome over-representation is probably explained by the fact that since the snow was not actually accumulating anywhere yesterday, there was little risk of ditch diving -- thereby eliminating a number of ppl. belonging to Southern Snow Drivers Category 1 -- but I guess no one else on the road got that message b/c as more ppl. started to realize that it was snow, not rain, falling on their windshield, traffic slowed exponentially. On a road whose speed limit is 55 m.p.h., I could not find anyone going faster than 35. It was as if they were all trying to stop and stare at the snow while still technically operating a vehicle.
I love the South. No, really, I do. I love the hot weather, I love the fried everythg., I love the iced sweet tea. I just don't love Southern Snow Drivers, particularly those of the Category 2 persuasion. At least the Category 1 guys end up off the road and out of my way. Yes, that's right, I am saying I would prefer someone to be in a ditch than to have him or her impeding my automotive progress. Yes, of course I'm going to Hell, which in my case will be cold rather than hot and will probably involve a perpetual commute in snowy conditions w/only the worst of the Category 2 types around me.
Until that time, though, I can pray that there will be no more snow this yr. while I sit back and enjoy my Thanksgiving feast of green bean casserole w/fried onion topping, mashed potatoes w/a whole stick of real butter in them, sweet potatoes w/fried marshmallow topping, collard greens, and biscuits w/a butter glaze. For the meat eaters in my group, there will be a turkey, deep fried in peanut oil, as is the delicious Southern way. Happy Thanksgiving, all you A-murr-icans -- esp. those of you fr. the South who stay home when it snows.
1 comment:
What about the Category 3 types - those who freak out b/c it's snowing, and SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEED UP so they can hurry up & get home & get out of it - thus becoming Category 1'ers? The driving habits of those Category 3 people were what I found to be most dangerous and unpleasant about a Southern snow. Other than that, I LOVE snow - and I love you!
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