30 September 2008

Let's get indignant!

The four of you still bothering to read my blog are probably hoping for some sort of update or description of my new living arrangements, which I have been tempted to do, but could never be bothered. But I can always be bothered for a bit of outrage, so I am writing instead about the $700 billion bailout that somehow miraculously, mercifully failed to be passed yesterday in the House of Representatives.

For more than a year now, I have grumbled about the smaller bailouts -- of banks, of companies, of people who foolishly took out loans they could not afford -- on the principle that you do not reward poor decision-making. All of these entities made very bad decisions, took very big risks and now must face the consequences of these decisions. To give them money or pick them up and dust them off is simply to deprive them of a valuable lesson they would otherwise have learned and to encourage them to continue the very practices that led them into trouble before.

This most recent proposed bailout is staggering in size/cost, it is provocative in its absolute lack of accountability mechanisms (you really think it's a good idea to give one man complete discretion for how to allocate an amount of money nearly equal to the GDP of the Netherlands?), and it is almost ridiculous in its complete opposition to the very liberal economic tenets America is so fond of touting and imposing on others. Further, the fact that the American taxpayer is now being asked to pay for the mistakes of corporations not renowned for their social sensitivity is offensive. These people should pay for their own mistakes, not the American public. (For example, a 'securities transfer tax' similar to the one currently used in Britain and previously used in the US in more financially responsible times would both inject cash into the market -- the primary aim of this bailout -- and would generally spare the average American the burden of providing this liquidity.)

This crisis, if it can be called so, has been building for more than a decade. It did not just happen. What just happened is that people realized the hole they were digging was rather deeper than they had intended and are now being forced to ask for help (or in the case of Lehman, have the dirt thrown on top of them). But this whole situation has been looming, but between public reluctance to question what is perceived as 'easy money' and corporate reluctance to disclose their dealings, the whole matter was left to spiral, and not in a positive direction. We are paying now for our self-imposed ignorance and irresponsibility. But rather than face this and make an attempt at accepting responsibility for a problem that took years to reach its current level, our politicians proposed a plan that absolves people from culpability and which was hastily thrown together and advocated a plan that can only be described as a 'quick fix'.

You don't fix decades of mismanagement with a plan influenced more by politics than economics and slapped together in a matter of days. You are facing a systemic failure, you change the fucking system.

This bailout was proposed as a 'drastic measure' to address what is apparently seen as a drastic situation. What about other 'drastic measures' that will effect long-term benefits socially, environmentally, AND economically? For example, decreasing consumption through rationing, decreasing subsidies, and getting serious about decreasing America's foreign debt by decreasing the amount of cheap foreign goods purchased. Americans are always crying about China and Japan and India, but they never seem to make the connection that they are financing their supposed aggressors. Here's an idea, 'budget shoppers': Start checking the labels on the things you're buying and consider whether it is worth it to you to spend an extra dollar to buy something not made by a foreign competitor. For too long, Americans have simply consumed everything presented to them, demanding increasingly lower prices even for goods with increasingly limited supplies (hello, gasoline!), without bothering to understand how corporations are able to provide them with these cheap goods in an increasingly expensive world.

Many people at this moment are stating that the government must provide a cash infusion to the financial markets in order to prevent a credit crisis, which would cause the economy to shrink. What these people fail to point out or understand, depending on your level of cynicism, is that maybe a smaller economy and less credit is exactly what is needed right now. Maybe, and I know this is a wild idea, maybe it is time for people at all levels -- individual, governmental, corporate -- to re-learn fiscal responsibility and stop expecting easy money, cheap everything, and a consequence-free existence.


24 July 2008

Donnez-moi un instant de faveur (juste encore une fois)

If I were a different kind of Christian, I would be 'called' or 'convicted'.

But I'm not that kind of Christian, so all I know is that deep in my belly, in the primordial churning of my gut, I feel like my purpose in life is to facilitate, improve, and create mental health services in developing and/or post-conflict countries.

I also know that mental health is not on the first level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and that other things must be taken care of before people want to think about mental well-being. But I don't feel like those other things are my purpose and in any event, there are many people far better-qualified than I to carry out that mission.

For me, the single thing I want to do with my life, the single focus of my life for the last four years, is/has been to give what skills I have to those who need them most. That's all I want to do. I don't want to read newspaper or journal articles and have civilized conversations about them in my insulated, glossy world. I don't want to exploit people or gawk at or sensationalize their situations. I don't want to make money off of the suffering of others. I don't want to sit in an air-conditioned office or hotel room talking about what is best for people I have probably never seen. All I want to do is take my skills to the places they are needed most, and use them.

And despite the unfortunate end of my tenure in Chad, I do have much-needed skills (and I now have important lessons learned, as well). I want to go to these places for all the right reasons, I have a relevant skill-set and a deep, unwavering desire to use it and yet....

And yet.

I write you unemployed, despite numerous attempts at finding a position (including unpaid internships) that might allow me to once again feel as if I were in my right place. The closest I have thus far managed is to gain admittance to a university to study for a Ph.D. in a field that I am praying will allow me to put my foot back in the door. But I'll have to use the other foot, b/c this one has been crushed by the repeated slamming of said door.

While I appreciate the singular opportunity that has been offered to me by being allowed into this Ph.D. program, I must still ask the question: Why? Why is it that a person like me cannot even successfully beg for a job in this field, a field I now know to be populated by the self-interested, the self-righteous, and the just plain pragmatic, while I just want to give as much of myself as I can offer? But more than that, why do I feel so strongly that this is what I *must* do to feel complete, why is this the only part of my life that has offered some odd sort of fulfillment when it is seems at this moment that it is simply not going to happen for me? Why would God/Fate/Karma/Whatever do this? Why make every bone inside me whisper that this is my desire, this is my place -- why make me feel out of place in my own country, in my own culture -- when it is becoming increasingly plain that I am not permitted to live the life I could swear I was made for??

Yes, this is self-indulgent.

Yes, I am whining.

And yes, it is possible that I am catastrophizing just a bit.

But I just don't know what else to do when my heart is still breaking and the best I can hope for is that the gamble I've made by embarking on this Ph.D. program will pay off and I will one day be allowed back to the world I so unwillingly left five months ago, the world I finally scratched my way into only to be turned out again, the world that, although so wholly foreign from the physical surroundings in which I was raised, was the closest I have felt to home in my entire life. It was home b/c it was what is right for me, and I may never see it again.

11 June 2008

Made me laugh

Here are two of the most amusing things I've seen on the Internet lately. The first one I should probably not find amusing, but I do -- I'm insensitive, whatever.

The latest in swimwear: http://www.ahiida.com/index.php?a=subcats&cat=20

Was randomly on the APC website and found their frontispiece both entertaining and unexpected. I think the military should consider this one!: http://www.aperfectcircle.com/ If you hit Refresh, new ones come up. Some are more snide than others....heh.

30 May 2008

What is this unfamiliar spectacle?? Could it be...progress?

Some of you older, more loyal readers may remember me ranting on about cluster bombs waaaay back in August of 2006, and for those of you who are new or wisely decided to clear space in your brain for more important things, here is the link: http://everythggoodwastaken.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html

The point of that post was to point out the barbarity and senselessness of these weapons, using the July 2006 conflict between Israel and Lebanon as an illustration. At the time, I stated that the use of cluster bombs was unacceptable, particularly when one considers the great risk they pose to civilians unlucky enough to be caught in wars many of them would rather sit out. Apparently 111 countries agree with me, as today a treaty banning the use of cluster bombs was signed! The agreement even calls for all current stockpiles in signatory countries to be destroyed within eight years and could potentially lead to the removal of US inventories in signatory nations where the US military operates. If I wasn't so tired right now, I might actually have cried a little bit -- this treaty represents a rare moment of clarity and progress in the loooong struggle toward a universal concern for human protection, these moments are few and far between and this one ever-so-slightly warmed my cold, cynical heart.

Naturally, the US did not sign this treaty, deeming cluster bombs far too critical to their vaunted military operations. While disappointing, this is not especially surprising. What I found more annoying, though, were the following quotes (found in this article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080530/ap_on_re_eu/ireland_cluster_bombs) from a person who heads what I'm sure is a reliable, impartial think tank on par with, oh, Fox News. Ahem. This genius (and real humanitarian!) offered the following in response to this historic, shockingly progressive treaty:

"This is a treaty drafted largely by countries which do not fight wars," said John Pike, a defense analyst and director of
GlobalSecurity.org.
"Treaties like this make me want to barf. It's so irrelevant. Completely feel-good," he said.
Asked whether U.S. forces would ever ban or restrict cluster-bomb technology, Pike said, "It's not gonna happen. Our military is in the business of winning wars and using the most effective weapons to do so."

So let's make a quick list of the MANY problems w/these statements:
1) Not since middle school have I heard someone imply that people who do not fight are somehow inferior.
2) Barf??? Really??? You said, 'barf,' in an official interview??
3) I am curious about Mr. Pike's definition of 'irrelevant'. More than half of all recognized states, including most of our NATO allies, signed this treaty, which to me seems the opposite of irrelevant. But maybe he is of the school that considers all things irrelevant until they are endorsed by Amerrrica.
4) Recent conflicts would suggest that the American military is more in the business of protracted, obtuse struggles with no clear outcome, not 'winning wars.'
4b) If these cluster bombs are integral to the current American strategy of how to win wars, the military should re-evaluate their effectiveness since, um, they don't seem to be working.

You know what? I'm sure there are far more eloquent, less propagandized critics of this treaty who could have defended the American decision not to sign, but I'm glad it was this guy. It makes it all that much easier for me to ignore the nay-sayers and delight in the fact that for once, common decency and concern for human life found a place in politics.

28 April 2008

Diff'rent Strokes

At many points in my history, I have found myself thinking, "Well, *I* wouldn't have done that." Usually this is after being subjected to a reality TV show or seeing a new picture of some st(harlot)'s snatch, but periodically this utterance is issued when someone I care for does something puzzling. Puzzling to me, I should say.

Because I am now a little afraid of my own blog and its apparent power to disconcert, I do not wish to provide examples for fear of upsetting someone, but let's just say it has become increasingly apparent to me that I need to learn to accept the fact that I do things differently from most people, for good and ill.

Festered over this situation whilst having soup, salad, and beer at a little pub near my hotel room and was terribly amused to observe the following:
Two black men walk into a British-ish pub in Manhattan. Moments later their waitress comes to the bar asking if Remy VSOP is available. The barmaid replies in the negative. The waitress returns shortly to ask if Hennessey is available. The barmaid rolls her eyes as she reaches for the bottle and then says as she hands the glass over to the waitress, 'Let me guess -- they're black." I laugh hysterically at this, mostly because the barmaid is right, and then I am further amused when the waitress hisses to the barmaid, 'She just heard you!' and I was tempted to start singing a medley of rap songs that mention Remy and Hennessey as desirable beverages.

Also, I have to be honest, although there is a lot going on w/me these days, I lack the means of making it seem amusing -- mostly b/c it's not -- so I am afraid the blog will be rather lackluster for the foreseeable future. I recommend a monthly (at most) perusal so as not to waste your time. Am hoping to get it back in order, but...well, I just don't know.

11 March 2008

Back by popular demand...

...and against the protests of others.

Really nothing that interesting or controversial to relate here. But then again, I never thought there was. So what the fuck do I know.

Currently back in the US (excitement scale: 3) and looking for a new job (excitement scale: 5.5) with some interesting opportunities (excitement scale: 7-10), waiting to see what happens (excitement scale 1-10). I can say that when I was interviewing w/one of my many former employers, all of whom have hired me for work most people would find distasteful, one of them said, 'Even those who have not renewed with us have felt that their experience w/us changed their perspective on life.' Well, I will say that Chad changed my perspective on life, although I will not say that the employer who said the previous statement was the employer who sent me to Chad.

As many of you may know, I am looking at new jobs in Haiti, Sudan, and, yes, even Chad. Maybe during the rainy season we will get along better. Either way, not looking domestically or even European-ally in the near future. We will see who will take me. My money is on Haiti.

Either way, I never thought being 'released' could be such a liberating, positive experience. The only thing left to ponder is whether or not I told them enough. I think not.


23 February 2008

No cell phone

And therefore no long distance to call most of you. Am in the US, but still waiting for either Chester or Eli to work out the cell phone situation (the latter b/c he screwed it up in the first place and the former b/c he's got the mad hook-up), but until then, if you lovelies could call me, I would appreciate it. 410.451.2376. Miss you all like the dickens!!

16 February 2008

Incroyable!

My amazing friend Marion has been selected as a finalist in the Nature Conservancy's Nature Photo of the Year Contest! Her picture really is amazing and you can see it and VOTE FOR IT at this address:

The other ones are obviously pretty good, too, but Mar's is truly superior, a mon avis, so go vote for it!!

Also, I learned yesterday that my US cell phone has taken a holiday in Korea (don't ask) and I am not sure that it will be back at my house by the time I arrive on Tues. Since my brain stopped remembering numbers about three seconds after I got my first cell phone and became completely reliant on my contacts list, I don't have a number for most of you. Therefore, if everyone who would like to hear from me would email me their numbers, that would be great...(Totally channeling Office Space right there, heh.)

09 September 2007

Support my philanthropic efforts!

I have agreed to participate in a 5K run in support of finding a cure for breast cancer. If you would like to donate some money to a worthy cause (and what is sure to be a comical day in my life, trotting over hill and dale as fast as my asthmatically-diminished lungs will allow), follow my link:

Will write more soon, but in the meantime, give me your money. I mean, give your money to a good cause via me.

23 July 2007

Look, she's got no hair!!

'Ah, where'd it go?!' (or, 'Eat a damn biscuit, girl!')
'Who's that boy?'
I swear it looks better than this in real life.

15 July 2007

Oh...my...gosh...

If you've not already seen this, you really should:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdzchIMi43Y


Make sure you pay attn. to the lyrics. I first heard this song when I was driving one of my young clients home and I def. laughed, even though I should have just changed the station. I'm such a good employee.

Also on the list of recent moments when I have laughed inappropriately w/a child: Whilst supervising a group scavenger hunt at the Natural History Museum, I witnessed a young girl of abt. 8 y.o. run headlong toward a glass display case and *bounce*off*. As if this were not enough to make me bust a gut, the girl's mom tried to make her feel better by knocking her own head against the glass (gently, of course) saying, 'Oh, yeah, it's hard to see this glass!' AH-HAHAHA!!

29 May 2007

"I drink a lot."

As many of you know, I recently started a new job. Helping ppl. Specifically, I work w/kids in inner city Washington, DC, who are underpriveleged and in need of mental health services. In fact, most of them are in need of new parents, but as a result of having only shit ones, these kids now need mental health services. Which I provide.

The first six wks. of this little karmic experiment went pretty well, meaning that although my kids all have terrible backgrounds and I saw terrible thgs. related to them (e.g., schools w/o electricity, teenage neighbors w/handguns, mom w/eight kids notifying me of being pregnant w/#9, etc.), my kids themselves did a pretty good job of keeping it together. At least when they were w/me, which, I will admit, is my top priority. Ideally, I would like for these kids to be able to act straight in all settings -- that is sort of the point of our work, after all -- but to be honest, that is simply not going to be possible for most of them. So if they can act like a normal, rational human being for a couple of hrs. ea. wk. while they're w/me, fab-o.

Unfortunately, reality, it seems, has finally begun to set in. One girl has decided she would rather return to juvenile detention than follow the rules at home. One of my boys is temporarily banished fr. my car b/c he found it impossible to keep his seatbelt on and not touch the steering wheel while we drove. Another boy has refused to attend evening substance abuse treatment, instead choosing to escalate his abuse, abscond fr. home, and necessitate involuntary hospitalization. And those are just the highlights -- I could continue in this manner w/all 18 of my cases.

Last wk., at the beginning of the end, as I stood explaining to one of my kids why I was going to have to call her probation officer and then the police as a result of her intransigently unsafe, belligerent behavior, I recalled a scene fr. my interview for this job. My future supervisors asked me what I did to relax, how did I go home at the end of a hard day in the pits of Hell and make myself feel better. This question was not actually surprising, given the nature of this job, and I made an apparently satisfactory answer involving social support, music, and horseback riding. But what surprised me was the answer that almost immediately flew fr. my mouth, the answer that, even half-joking though it was intended, would have been a deal breaker had it slipped forth: "I drink a lot."

And so I do. Not generally during the wk. (though that is not a hard and fast rule) and def. not while I am at work, but I do -- I drink a lot.

20 May 2007

Give me a stinking break.

Being the dutiful child I am, I spent my w/e visiting family, first a day w/my stepmom (for the moment) and my half-siblings, then an overnight visit w/my grandmother. The number of features that could make this the most annoying w/e ever are manifold: my awkward position of marriage counselor/confidante in my dad and stepmom's continuing marital weirdness; my grandmother's obssessive-compulsive disorder; the $235 car repair bill I had to pay. And so on and so on, ad nauseum (mostly my nauseum).

But the crowning glory must be the three times people asked if I was my grandmother's daughter. Not once, not twice, but THREE times someone seemed to think I look old enough to be my 72 y.o. grandmother's daughter.

What the frick, ppl.???

I am now shopping for a sturdy paper bag w/which I can cover my apparently haggard face. This is why I didn't want to turn 25.

24 March 2007

A little smthg. w/which to scare the kids...

My house is infested w/spiders. Big, brown, nocturnal, semi-hairy, jumping spiders. And that does not even begin to describe how repulsive they are in the, um, whatever arachnids have for flesh. I have been assured that my most unwelcome guests are not of the brown recluse variety, but I would rather not test those waters to make sure. Oh, and did I mention that there used to be a Gigantor one that lived in a corner of our cathedral ceiling in the living room and when she ate (I'm pretty sure it was a she b/c it actually had a web, unlike the others, and I think that's where she kept her spawn), you could *hear* her -- "clickclickclick." Her pincers clicking, snipping through the thorax of her meal, you could *hear* that, 15 feet below, sitting on our couch, trying to watch The Simpsons or some such bullshit.

Pret-ty Gross. But, not gross enough to overcome my inability to kill thgs. I don't know when this happened, but it seems I am loathe to kill anythg., even nasty bug interlopers. These spiders have shown up everywhere fr. my dresser drawers to my BED. And still, I could not actually kill one. Usually, I would just flail and they would scurry or I would get one of the cats to chase the latest offendor into hiding. Occasionally, for v. small ones that did not yet scare the bejeezus out of me, I would scoop them up w/a glass and take them outside.

But the tide has turned decidedly against the eight-legged invaders. It is on. Full-on Bugs-You-Are-Going-Down War.

The other day, I stepped out of the shower, started toweling off, thinking how glad I am that winter is over and the bathroom is no longer cold when I get out of the hot water and wondering where my leave-in conditioner had gotten to, when I noticed that my navy blue towel had suddenly sprouted a spot of unattractive brown color. And then the spot moved toward my face. Oh, the hell no. Much as I would like to say that I did not shriek and jump around like I moron, I cannot. In fact, I squealed so loudly, Eli thought I had fallen in the tub and hurt myself (I'm a little surprised I didn't). I did, however, manage to compose myself enough to shake the towel quite aggressively, a maneuver which not only removed the spider fr. my towel, but also injured it. Feeling it would be wrong to lv. it to suffer so, I called Eli in to the bathroom and he picked it up w/some TP and put it in the toilet. Dead. I felt a little bad abt. this.

Until tonight.

Again, minding my own business, on my way to the bathroom to get some floss so I can start my nightly routine, when -- FLPTH!! TWO AND A HALF INCH SPIDER ON MY FOOT. Asshole *jumped* out fr. behind my bedroom door and onto my foot -- and I am not exaggerating. He didn't stay there long, but it was enough: one of us had to go. For a little bit, it looked like it would be me. I immediately laced on a pair of sneakers (needed smthg. to protect my now-tainted feet) and I contemplated just sleeping in the guest bedroom and lvng. my bedroom to the spider. But then I saw the spider attempting to get INTO MY BED and it was over. It was my own little post-traumatic flashback montage: envisioning the last time I found a spider in my bed crawling up my arm, thinking of the one of my towel, the one I found in my pajamas...ARGH!! I got a pair of gloves, put a plastic bag over my foot, hurled small objects at the fucker until he was trapped in a corner and then I did it -- I killed him. W/my plastic-bag clad foot, I squashed him.

I felt sort of happy, like I had accomplished smthg., until I thought abt. how I must have looked: I was hunched over, shaking slightly, in a corner of my room wearing fleece gloves, tennis shoes, an Old Navy shopping bag covering my right leg fr. the knee down, and...a blue satin nighty. That's right, folks, I had thought it would be nice to put on smthg. cute for Eli since I'm moving in a wk. and then he goes to Korea for a yr. And this is how it ended -- me in a blue teddy, looking like a mental patient, muttering abt. killer spiders, wearing gloves in 80 degree heat, and stomping around w/a plastic bag on one foot. Spicy.

06 February 2007

Germ vs. Paper; Like Lemmings Off the Cliff; Quelle Surprise!

Really? You *really* think that works??
As many of you know, I have long prided myself on having a bladder made of smthg. akin to steel, but more flexible, which allows me the luxury of avoiding public restrooms in all but the most emergent of cases. Unfortunately -- but expectedly, given my encroaching decrepitude and age (and the fact that I have finally learned to drink the RDA of water) -- Old Faithful has been letting me down lately. More and more often, I find myself having to interrupt road trips or dinners out so that I may have the distinct displeasure of seeking out public facilities.

I know only a few warped individuals who actually enjoy using public toilets (and those I know only through urban legends, not personal acquaintance), but for me, using a toilet other than my own is a singularly distasteful experience. Blame the early exposure to my grandmother's obsessive-compulsive fixation on disease or the fact that I swear I can feel the tiny molecules lingering fr. someone else's, erm, 'secretion' entering my trachea, but either way, I just have a problem w/communal bathrooms. I shudder, I close my eyes and pray, I even hold my breath on occasion, but one thg. I never do is use those little tissue paper toilet seat covers.

In the past, I felt sort of self-conscious that I did not immediately set abt. unfurling and arranging the bit of gossamer that many others seem to feel is a compulsory component of a visit to the public loo (you can hear them rustling!), but I rarely bothered w/this. I never thought abt. it much, but a few wks. ago, entering the restroom at a local grocery store (no, I really couldn't wait til I finished my shopping), I finally discerned why exactly I generally exempt myself fr. this ritual, despite my excessive aversion to municipal facilities.

My rationale is twofold: 1) The simple fact is, that flimsy bit of paper is absolutely not going to prevent any germs fr. getting through. In fact, half the time it only serves to highlight the many areas of the toilet seat that have already been sullied, which serves only to make the experience that much more repulsive. Furthermore, these toilet seat covers are not, to the best of my knowledge, possessed of any sort of anti-bacterial quality, thereby further lessening their utility, which brings me to 2) What a waste of trees. Honestly, consider how many trees are cut down so that ppl. can lay out these useless 'prophylactics.' In this age of global warming, doesn't it make more sense to stop pretending that tissue paper horseshoe you just put down somehow constitutes a feasible line of defense b/t you and germs of unknown origin when you know v. well that if you tried to blow your nose w/that paper, you would have to fold it no fewer than three times in order to prevent fr. blowing straight through??

Protect the planet, forego the toilet seat cover! After all, it doesn't protect you fr. squat!

This just in: GW replaces lemming as Nature's most infamous surge-er
I'm not going to go to far into this b/c, in the words of The Smiths, 'That joke isn't funny anymore -- it's too close to home and it's too near the bone,' but my blog just wouldn't be mine if I didn't make some snide remark abt. Pres. Bush's brilliant new Iraq strategy, The Surge. And by 'brilliant' I mean 'dumbest thg. since Napoleon's decision to surge into Russia in winter.' A more recent example of this misguided battle plan would be the Johnson administration's decision to throw more troops into the asymmetrical war in Vietnam, which served only to inflate the US casualty list. Well played, boys.

Words cannot convey my feelings when I learned my husband was to be part of this action. But some that come close are: bitter, frustrated, and I-hate-you-motherfuckers.

Reluctantly joining the Quarter Century Club
I am now officially 25. Wee-fricking-haw. For a variety of reasons, I was not thrilled abt. this birt-day. Unenthusiastic does not begin to describe it. In spite of this, my 25th turned out to be quite a nice day. These are the thgs. that made it rock:
1) Jill gave me my presents immediately after I woke up, which include the most awesome contact lense case ever, viewable at:
http://welltemperedkitchen.com/lucoleca.html She also took me to lunch at the awesome new Indian buffet, where I def. got my $7.50 worth (mmm, black dahl, I love you...).
2) I got an uber-long-distance call fr. Melissa in the Netherlands just before I left for work and had a v. exciting conversation abt. potential Ph.D. opportunities there -- I am slowly but surely beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, professionally speaking.
3) Found the most beautiful skirt at bebe -- on sale.
4) Was offered free highlights and a haircut at a salon I normally cannot afford.
5) Had a wonderful, mellow, entertaining dinner w/my Chas. girls at Kate's adorable house. Thank you, Christy, for making the pizza dough fr. scratch, and thank you, Charlotte, for helping to 'decorate' the Best Pizza Ever.
6) In addition to the perfect I-don't-want-to-be-25 dinner, Christy, Kate, and Charlotte also gave me fabulous presents, including my new favorite purse, jewelry I love but would be too much of a weenie to buy for myself, and a CD I love but would be too embarrassed to buy for myself -- hee hee...

7) Enough phone calls, emails, and general nice-ness to last me til next birt-day. I feel so warm and fuzzy!

25: I don't love it, but it didn't kill me. Yet.

24 January 2007

I can't be bothered w/a real post right now, but this is pretty funny

Soundtrack of My Life Music Shuffle.
To take this survey, put your music player on shuffle, and answer each question with the song that comes on, then put any comments you have.

1. What is your name?
Song: A Little Bit of Ecstasy -- Jocelyn Enriquez
Comments: Well, I always joked abt. wanting to be a stripper...

2. Will you get far in life?
Song: Gold Dust Woman -- Fleetwood Mac
Comments: I could be a hot, manipulative queen ultimately destined for tragedy.

3. How can you get far in life?
Song: Angel -- Massive Attack
Comments: Apparently by leaving it.

4. What is [or will be] your profession?
Song: Comfort Eagle -- Cake
Comments: I'm not sure what exactly a Comfort Eagle does, but it sounds sort ofcunning and perhaps drug-related. Maybe I'll get my own infomercial.

5. What do you really want from life?
Song: How to Save a Life -- The Fray
Comments: Wow, that seems pretty apropos. And it also makes me think even more that God is telling me to get the med school show on the road instead of putzing around hiding fr. the MCAT and broken bones (I don't like the crunch noise!!).

6. What should you do to help others?
Song: The Thunder Rolls (Extended Version) -- Garth Brooks
Comments: Exact revenge on cheating ratbag husbands? That would seemingly serve only a small population, but could be satisfying.

7. What should you do to help yourself?
Song: Everbody Knows -- Denali
Comments: It would be nice if everyone would let me know.

8. Will you succeed in life?
Song: I Do -- Lisa Loeb
Comments: I Do, I Will, whatever -- seems affirmative to me.

9. What should you do to succeed?
Song: China -- Tori Amos
Comments: Go to China? Use china? I dunno. The song *is* all abt. emotional barriers and intimacy issues, so maybe it's saying the secret to my success is to continue in my cynical, guarded ways.

10. What is one of your most important goals in life?
Song: Please Forgive Me -- David Gray
Comments: Goodness, I can only imagine what I plan to do if I am alreadybegging forgiveness!

11. How is [or was] high school?
Song: Blue Light (Engineers' Anti-Gravity Remix) -- Bloc Party
Comments: I suppose it was often a melancholy time for me, but thinking abt.it makes me smile, just like this song.

12. How do you see yourself?
Song: Thriller -- Michael Jackson
Comments: hmmm...That would probably indicate a severe psychosis and/or narcissistic personality disorder.

13. How do your friends see you?
Song: The Way I Am -- Eminem
Comments: That seems nice, until you remember that the actual song is all angst-y and sarcastic. On second thought, I guess I am sort of angst-y and sarcastic, or at least sarcastic.

14. How does the world see you?
Song: Eyes without a Face -- Billy Idol
Comments: Gee, that's pretty deep. Could it be that ppl. don't see the whole me b/c they get hung up on the (distracting, alluring) details? haha...

15. What is your theme song?
Song: Silent Spring -- Massive Attack
Comments: It is a lovely, intricate song whose lyrics are unintelligible -- that sounds a lot like me.

16. What is the best thing about you?
Song: I See You Baby (Shakin' that Ass) -- Groove Armada
Comments: Let's face it, I DO have a hot ass and I shake it quite often.

17. What is the worst thing about you?
Song: Roses -- Outkast
Comments: Again w/the narcissism...Am I really that self-centered?? (she queried as she filled out a survey all abt. herself...)

18. How is today going to be?
Song: Keep their Heads Ringin' -- Dr. Dre
Comments: Considering that it is 230am and I am going to get only abt. four hrs. of sleep, I v. well might have a hellacious headache the rest of the day.

19. How will this week be?
Song: Breaking the Girl -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Comments: Oh, that does *not* bode well...

20. What's in store for this weekend?
Song: You Could Be Mine -- Guns'N'Roses
Comments: Vicious, aggressive, and focused -- I like it. I am now determined that smthg. will be mine this w/e, even if it's just a bottle of wine (which I will apparently need after my "Breaking the Girl" week).

21. What song describes your parents?
Song: You're Crazy Nuts from Hell Bent on Driving me to an Early Grave -- Me
What do you mean you've never heard that song??
Hmmm, interestingly, the real song that came up was "Down By the Water" by PJ Harvey
Comments: This is a song abt. drowning a 'lovely, blue-eyed daughter,' so maybe my faux song wasn't that far off -- haha!

22. What song describes your grandparents?
Song: My Way -- Limp Bizkit
Comments: Uh, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop are thinking abt. moving back to the East Coast, which is geographically my way (and would be awesome).

23. How is your life going so far?
Song: You Turn the Screws -- Cake
Comments: It has been rather tortuous at points...

24. Will you have a happy life?
Song: There It Go (The Whistle Song) -- Juelz Santana
Comments: Given the upbeat whistle featured in this song, the idiot grin I get on my face everytime I hear it, and the fact that if you squint really hard,'There it go,' could be an agreeable answer to whether or not I will be happy,I'll say this is pretty good.

25. How can you make yourself happy?
Song: Winona's Big Brown Beaver -- Primus
Comments: No, seriously, that's the song that came up. Perhaps I should be re-evaluating my sexual orientation.

26. What gives you the most pleasure?
Song: I Know what You Want -- Busta Rhymes and Mariah Carey
Comments: I do love giving ppl. gifts.

27. Do people secretly lust after you?
Song: Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker -- Bud Light Commercial
Comments: Really, I couldn't make this up.

28. What is your signature dancing song?
Song: Losing Lisa -- Ben Folds
Comments: I do secretly like to twirl and jump around to this song, but that's def. not how I dance in public. I move to strike the music player's random selection from the record and replace it w/'Toxic' by Britney Spears. Hearing no objections,the motion carries.

29. Where will you get married?
Song: Running Down a Dream -- Tom Petty
Comments: Let me assure you, Ft. Gordon, GA, site of my actual wedding, is no picnic, let alone a dream. Hopefully this means Eli and I will one day get around to having our long-planned re-wedding extravaganza.

30. What song will they play at your wedding?
Song: Playground Love -- Air
Comments: Awww...that would have been perfect since Eli and I are high school sweethearts!

31. Will you ever have children?
Song: Insane in the Membrane -- Cypress Hill
Comments: HAHAHAHAHA!! Yes, if I ever go insane in my membrane, I may have kids, who will surely drive me even more insane.

32. How will you die?
Song: All the Things She Said -- TATU
Comments: I will be killed by vicious rumors spread by Russian pretend-lesbiansand their mini-skirt clad army?

33. What song will they play at your funeral?
Song: Closer (Nine Inch Nails) vs. In Da Club (50 Cent)
Comments: Oh, yes, please. Esp. if my mom is outlives me, play this song at my funeral. She would join me soon enough if you did.

34. What is some good advice?
Song: The Rain -- Missy Elliott
Comments: Um, well, when it rains, I like to go to bed early and lay (lie?) there listening to it against the window. So, uh, if you're anxious and looking fora way to relax, try this. It would be particularly helpful if you lived in the Pacific Northwest or Scotland where rain is readily available. If not, buy one of those little fountain
thgs.


Now you try! Really, given the eclectic musical tastes of my friends, I think we could get some interesting versions of this....

29 December 2006

Mourning the untimely demise of an unrepentant monster

This is going to be one of those moments akin to the Kennedy assassination or September 11th. Following a nighttime ride through the muffled whiteness of the latest blizzard here in CO, I sat down to my computer, crossing my fingers that my illicit Internet connection would be functional enough for me to send some business-y emails I have been putting off for several wks. Uttering an surreptitious exclamation of delight when the wireless connection did its job, I signed into my account, started to hit the 'Compose' button, but halted w/my finger above the mouse key as I read the title of the Washington Post News Alert in my Inbox: 'Former Iraqi President Hussein Executed.' My jaw dropped slightly -- you never expect to find that an evil which has colored your entire life really can die, and at the hands of an executioner, no less -- and I hastily read the article, a revised version of which can be found at:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/29/AR2006122900142.html?referrer=email

Then, smthg. even more unexpected happened. I welled up. I got all misty reading abt. the ignominious end of that dirtbag, Saddam. Don't misunderstand -- I wasn't sad for him, his death is no real loss to the world. I am, however, sad that in the midst of large-scale violence being perpetrated on all sides, the Iraqi government response is to join in the throes, adding one more victim the growing pile, albeit one more deserving of his end than many others who have perished thus far. If this whole thg. had taken place at a different time or in a different political context, I may not be so dismayed at the outcome. I am not a wholehearted proponent of the death penalty, but I think we can all agree that this man perpetrated some of the most heinous, brazen crimes against humanity this side of the Holocaust, and, frankly, I am okay w/such ppl. being hanged. I'm not trying to turn this into a debate abt. the death penalty, so save it -- I've heard the arguments of both sides and formed my own mostly anti- opinion according to my own standards of conduct, so let's leave it at that -- but what I am saying is that by hanging even a creature as vile as Saddam Hussein, the Iraqi government has just shot itself -- and us -- in the foot. No, more like the face.

Prior to his execution, Saddam was not much of a rallying point for anyone, not even his own Sunnis. Why? B/C he was, as covered previously, a cunning, ruthless asshole who was not particularly nice to anyone, regardless of religion, tribe, or political affiliation. The only thg. most Sunnis miss abt. Saddam are the oil revenues he used to throw their way to keep them fr. starving and rebelling against him since they do live in the most worthless section of Iraq and would not have survived otherwise -- as they are now unhappily discovering. But now, now all that has changed. By executing Saddam, the Iraqi government -- run primarily by Shi'ites and Kurds, remember, neither of whom are well-loved by the Sunnis and vice-versa -- has made a Sunni martyr of Saddam. They have created smthg. that was not there before, potentially triggering an even greater blood-letting than we have heretofore seen, even in the last six mos. when the Baghdad morgue has been averaging 100 bodies a day and the Coalition casualties have been mounting at steadily increasing rates.

Certainly, this is speculation. But it is educated speculation likely to be borne out by exceptionally unfortunate events. Certainly, too, if there is an increase in violence, much of it will be directed b/t the ever-warring factions within Iraq, not strictly at Coalition troops. But the execution took place within the American-run Green Zone, after a US judge gave consent through his silence for the event to take place, and at the behest of a government which is essentially propped up by the US Coalition. So you do the math and figure out if this is likely to decrease or increase the popularity of our troops there, at least among the Sunni faction. Maybe you can do some real fun math of the sort the administration uses often and thereby figure that two-thirds of the country is happy Saddam is dead, so that other third is inconsequential, no matter how many armed fanatics they count among their number. You can play the numbers as you see fit, but I for one am going to worry more than ever about the ppl. I care abt. who are over there or are soon to be so.

On a final note, Iraqis being fond of their guns as they are, it was not surprising that there was widespread celebratory gunfire across the country as news of Saddam's death spread. I believe the Ottoman Empire hadn't quite fallen off the knowledge wagon in the 17th c. when Newton conclusively demonstrated the existence of gravity and the attendant corollary, 'what goes up must come down,' which leads me to believe that these ppl. should have gotten the memo abt. that. This, in turn, would lead one to hope they would refrain fr. unreservedly letting loose a salvo of gunfire, since they should have the understanding that those bullets do come back down with some force, coming to rest, as all objects eventually do, when acted on by an outside force, frequently some unsuspecting bystander's body. A common complaint lodged against the West by ppl. fr. this region is that we underestimate them and look upon them as somehow 'less' than us -- less developed, less educated, less able to govern themselves w/o the use of force, etc. My question, then, is why would a ppl. so annoyed by our 'unfair' characterizations continue to engage in a behavior that is, charitably, foolish and which flies in the face of even the most basic scientific principles?

The world is above all a mystifying place.

27 December 2006

Happy those early days! when I/shined in my angel infancy./Before I understood this place...Vaughan

"Before I understood this place", indeed.

A couple of wks. ago, I had the singularly unpleasant experience of watching a lovely children's movie and, for the first time, crying upon its happy conclusion. The rather-too-loveable main character survived his perilous journey, he got the girl, and he managed to unite all of humanity behind his noble cause. This last bit is what precipitated the lacrimosal leakage. I cried while watching a happy ending b/c I knew as I saw the images of the fictional media coverage, public outcry, and concerted efforts of world leaders to solve the problem that this would never, EVER happen in real life. I think what really made me lose it was the footage of the U.N. passing a resolution and then implementing it successfully, sans political infighting, corporate interference, or plain ol' logistical bungling.

Thanks to my education and, uh, my ability to read the daily world news, I am well acquanited with the difficulty the U.N. has in gaining consensus of any kind, coupled with its near-impotence in terms of execution. I'm not trying to bash the U.N. here. I respect its stated mission, I believe the potential for greatness exists, and I firmly support many of its recent initiatives. I also, however, recognize that its mission is often neglected or manipulated, its potential is as yet unmet, and its recent initiatives remain unknown to average citizen of the world. Further, my own life experience makes it impossible for me to believe that even smthg. as notable as a tap-dancing penguin would be sufficient to spur the world toward making a sweeping, positive change such as the one in this movie. I just don't think human beings have enough humanity in them to 'do the right thg.', to set aside personal interests and politics and band together to make a much-needed reform.

I have long been a cynic, but my inability muster even the innocence needed to watch a simple movie and enjoy its simple, happy ending for what it is is deeply wrong. Worse, I don't see any way of going back. Even as I attempt to make a positive -- if small -- impact on the world, I can think only of the futility of such efforts. There must be a tiny thread of hope left in me, or else I don't think I would bother w/my individual efforts, but perhaps that is just a fatalistic vanity or outright desperation. Either way, it's not good.

On a tangentially related note, I read an interesting article in the first Nov. issue of The Economist abt. new research that indicates early humans developed white scleras (as opposed to the dark ones of other primates) as a result of and to further facilitate their natural tendency toward cooperation and communication. The ability to determine what another human-ish primate was looking at allowed better coordination of hunting parties and probably contributed to the development of higher-level thinking (e.g., planning, organizing, empathy, etc.). This, in turn, gave early man an edge over its competitors, allowing our ancestors to best their less socially-minded peers. Sad, then, that modern man fails miserably at both communicating and cooperating. Could this maladaptive development be a harbinger of thgs. to come?

Could this entry be a little more doom-and-gloomy?

12 December 2006

Just when you thought Texas couldn't get any dumber

(NB: The header is a link to an article -- I got fancy!)

It's times like these that I am reminded of the barely stifled sighs I received fr. foreign Customs officials upon handing them my U.S. passport and I completely understand where they're coming from. I feel compelled to stress that Texas is barely part of the Union (though it often thinks it is the only state in the Union), and it is NOT -- I repeat, NOT -- part of the South (though it pretends otherwise). Texas is like a foreign object our nation foolishly ingested in its youth, not unlike a toddler swallowing a penny. It's not the best idea, it can sometimes cause abdominal pain, but usually you don't pay it much mind. The only thg. worth mentioning that has come out of TX is "Dallas," as in the television show, not the city. Oh, that womanizing, manipulative, deceitful J.R...What a hoot. Oh, and my favorite line fr. the above article must be, '"This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that's great," [Representative] Kuempel said'. Yeah, it sure is fun when even blind ppl. can legally shoot at stuff, too.

On a cheerier note, I received the following poem fr. my DASKF (Dear And Special Kiwi Friend) Stuart:
Jules, Jules, the mighty Jules
Everyone knows she rules*
Potato soup or just on walks
I miss our friendly talks

Aw, Stuart -- making me laugh even when he's in a completely different hemisphere. Feel free to submit your own (brief) odes, though I daresay no one is going to be able to capture my awesomeness quite so effectively as Stuart.
*emphasis added by the editor (and rightfully so!)