My VD passed without incident

heh. Volunteering yesterday was a ton of fun. Pervy medical types who uniformly dislike Valentine's Day. This could lead to only one thg.: LOTS of VD jokes. LOTS. My favorites included one fr. Sgt. H. in response to someone's saccharine greeting of (faux) holiday cheer: "Yeah, Happy VD to you, too -- hope you spread it!" and also my call of farewell to the staff as I left for the day, "Enjoy your VD, guys!" to which everyone responded, "Oh, we will!" heh. I'm sure this sort of banter really puts the patients at ease.

Yesterday was also notable b/c I got to do a lot of observation w/one of the drs. on staff. Dr. N is a nice guy, but I had never asked to shadow him before b/c he is rather reserved and stand-off-ish, and he seems exaggeratedly so in comparison to the rest of the staff b/c everyone else in that ER are freaking social dynamos. So point is, I had always been a little afraid of him (we fear that which is different!) and had never asked to shadow, but now I realize that was a HUGE waste of time b/c he was way more helpful and thorough than the other ppl. I've observed. Not only did I increase the quantity of ppl. I saw in one day, I also got a lot more out of it qualitativley, as he discussed ea. case w/me before we met w/the patient, offered his hypotheses, allowed me to watch during the exam, and then discussed what he gathered fr. the patient interview and how it helped change or shape his previous hypotheses. He even went over bloodwork and radiology results w/me. Gold Star for Dr. N!

On a completely unrelated note, I told Marion a story last night that she said I should really post on here b/c of its considerable comedic value. While I agree that the story is funny (I laugh every time I think of it), I'm not sure it's going to translate well to written form, but I'll give it a try. As many of you know, Eli has a long and varied history of buying me presents that are outrageously overpriced versions of smthg. that I said I would like. The two best examples of this are the $100 laptop bag he bought me for graduation fr. undergrad and the $900 digital camera/video recorder w/equipment he bought me for Christmas last yr.

Now, first and foremost, I must state for the record that I really appreciate that Eli put so much thought (and money) into my gifts and I have used them all. And when I laugh abt. these thgs. or otherwise poke fun, I am not meaning to be ungrateful. It's just that it tends to get a little ridiculous and I am usually left thinking, "For the money you spent on blah blah, I could have had a more affordable version of blah blah AND smthg. else," or, "...I could have had a more affordable version of blah blah so that when I inevitably fuck it up, it won't be a huge loss," OR, "...I could have had [insert other expensive present that I would have preferred] instead." Okay, yes, I'm an ungrateful bitch. Whatever. Read the following regarding this yr.'s bday present and you might be willing to cut me a little slack.

I knew in advance that Eli had spent a considerable amt. of money on my present (~$250 -- yeah, I don't think I'm worth it, either) and I knew that he had to order it fr. somewhere b/c they didn't sell them directly locally. So my curiosity was WAY piqued. The big day finally lumbers around, I get home fr. school that evening and Eli and Steve are both waiting for me in the LR b/c Steve thought it would be fun to hide my presents and watch me hunt. Which I did for a good 30 mins. After becoming increasingly annoyed after spending easily 10 mins. searching around the same place (b/c Eli and Steve told me I was REALLY close) that contained only a crystal ashtray Steve stole fr. one of Saddam's palaces and some car keys, I finally located the gift (after threatening to bean Steve w/the ashtray if he didn't give me better hints). It was hidden behind this jackass picture of Steve we have sitting on our mantle and it was....a flask engraved w/my name (he even remembered the all-important middle R!). I was pretty damn excited abt. this gift for many reasons, most notably that I finally had a way to discretely carry liquor at all times and also b/c it meant that Steve had -- for the first time ever -- paid attn. to smthg. I had said and then put real thought and effort into my gift.

You all know what happens when I get really excited (squealing, gushing, ecstatic cursing, jumping abt., etc.), so you can well-imagine the scene when I then turned to Eli and asked him abt. his gift. Tough act to follow, even if it was just a $25 flask. He smiles w/a look of restrained victory and says, "Your gift isn't here yet b/c I had to order it, but it's a..." [I am jumping fr. foot to foot w/anticipation] "...Longeberger* basket." I guess my big smile of slightly confused delight did not arrive fast enough for Eli to miss the preceding look of WTF? b/c he huffed in exasperation and exclaimed, "A Longeberger basket?! Oh, *my* God, it's like, a really nice basket! It appreciates in value! How can you not know what this is?!" Apparently, Eli had heard me mention that I wanted a knitting basket so that I could keep my considerable collection of knitting paraphernalia in some semblance of order. What I meant was "I want a big basket that retails for $50 tops to throw my shit in." What Eli heard (I guess) was "I want you to pay too much money for a basket no one has heard of so that I can try to be a neater wife for you."

I went fr. literally jumping up and down w/excitement after Steve's gift to cooing uncertainly, "Awwww...Thanks!(?)" while smiling w/more teeth than a rabid Rottweiler b/c I was trying so hard to look happy. You can see how this would be awkward. But terribly funny, though Eli did not so much appreciate the humor.

I say again, I *do* appreciate the gift. I know I will use it, it's probably an attractive piece (I still have not seen it), and it shows that Eli was listening to what I was saying, which is always appreciated. Again, you cannot fault Eli for thoughtfulness (though Steve has tried, saying that the real reason Eli bought me this gift is b/c he's so anal abt. neatness and this is one way to force me to be more compliant, not b/c he was thinking of my happiness) and I feel like a real shitbag for being anythg. other than unmitigatedly happy w/my gift.

But...

$250 for a freaking basket? I could have had a Roomba for $50 more and never have to vacuum again! And when I asked Eli (as kindly as possible) why he spent so much on a basket, he sputtered incredulously, "IT APPRECIATES IN VALUE!!" I'm sorry, dear, but the only way that basket is going to be worth more in 10 yrs. than it is right now is if I find a way to solve world hunger or win an Oscar and become an internationally known celebrity w/a cult of admirers willing to pay too much for my belongings. B/C otherwise I find it v. hard to believe that there are that many ppl. out there clamoring for a used basket made by a company that no one I have yet spoken to has heard of before. And that was Birt-day 2006.

I can write all of this b/c Eli never reads my blog. And even if he does, well...He's heard it all before already.


*You know what? I don't even know if that's spelled right. The basket in question still has not arrived and no one I have talked to has any clue what it is. Thus far, the only person aside fr. Eli who has ever heard of this company is his mom b/c she used to host Longeberger parties or smthg. Like Pampered Chef, but all abt. baskets. WTF? So I have the Pampered Chef of knitting baskets and I'm supposed to believe that this thg. is going to "appreciate in value"? riiiight.... I am so confused as to why such a company should even exist (other than to bilk well-meaning but misguided ppl. like Eli out of their money, of course) that I can't be bothered to find even the proper spelling of their name. Sheesh.

Little bit of nonsense

Regency

You love the idea of Kings and Queens, Dukes and

Countesses, but you also like the idea of the

beginnings of the creature comforts you love.

Carraiges and Balls are fabulous, but you

aren't exactly drawn to the Dark Ages. You'll

take just a little modernism, thank you!


Which Era Do You Belong In? (11 Results w Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wantonly stole this fr. Duncan's LiveJournal. Well, not so much stole as followed the link, took the quiz, and got the same results as him. Come join us in what is clearly the best era that ever was or will be -- assuming you are cool enough, of course.

Also, I realized that my last entry could be reduced down to the two words that constituted single-word paragraphs: Yeah. Whatever. Sorry abt. that. Will try to keep the life-hating to a minimum in the future.

School is the best.

Yeah.

I must have been crazy (more so than usual) when I thought this whole med school plan was feasible. I'm so tired of my classes I could cry (and occasionally do when I'm driving and no one is w/me and there isn't much traffic) and we're only a third of the way through the semester. Plus I'm sucking it like a Hoover these days (in a dismally non-sexual way), so that's not really helping. I walked into my Physics class today just as our prof was delivering a rant abt. how bad our first test grades were (I made a 42 -- seriously), which he rounded out with, "Nobody actually performed satisfactorily well," a comment as awkwardly formal in its phrasing as I felt sitting bolt upright in my seat, ankles crossed primly, determinedly studying a corner of the chalkboard just above Dr. A's eyeline. Oh, and naturally he did not curve the test since we get to drop our lowest grade and he has already determined that *this* will be everyone's drop grade, so there is no need for further assistance. I guess the fact that EVERYONE FAILED did not elicit as sympathetic a response as one would believe, or even the fleeting thought that perhaps the test was too fucking long/hard/generally crap and that he should re-evaluate the grades.

Whatever.

Get ready, everyone, b/c the moment I have been portending for yrs. (my abject failure) is now imminent, a claim likely to receive further substantiation either later this afternoon or on Wed. when I get my Physiology test back. It, like the Physics test, was poo, which I found more than usually disappointing, as I really enjoy this class, I put a lot of effort into it, and I seem to be doing less well than when I put no effort into it and spend my time thinking abt. how much I hate [insert boring subject matter here]. Like Organic. Fucking hate it. A lot. Studied nominally for the first test, just enough to make sure I knew enough to differentiate a methyl fr. a hole in the ground, and I got a 93. A 93. WTF? I should interject here that I do not actually expect my performance in Organic to continue in this manner, but a 93 ain't a bad start to a subject I fully anticipated getting through just by the seat of my pants (or trousers, for you naughty-minded Brits [ahem, Ben]). I've heard it said that familiarity breeds contempt, but I think it works the other way: when you hate smthg. enough you spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out ways around it or to fuck w/it or to get one over on it, so that you end up unwittingly understanding it better than thgs. you enjoy and which therefore require less effort.

Quote of the Day:
"I'm trying to make this as exciting as I can, but I don't have much to work with." -- Dr. W, on the wonderful world of Organic Chem

On a cheerier note, Christy and Jennifer came down to Buttown on Sat. to help me celebrate my birt-day properly and succeeded marvelously! Eli and Steve chaperoned, and since the latter usually needs his own chaperone, I expected him to be rather less effective at defending our honour than Eli, but he was on reasonably good behavior for most of the evening. We had a yummy fatty dinner, went to a piano bar, got kicked off the stage at the piano bar (twice, I think), went to some club where the groping was more frequent than I would prefer, but I was tipsy and more than usually comfortable w/decisive swatting and laughing dismissively at offendors (most of whom appeared to be abt. 12 anyhow), so it was fine, and had a few drinks in between. AND, I got everyone to dance w/me at least once, even those who had previously adamantly refused to do so. Proof positive that alcohol and a reasonably attractive person can get ppl. to do just abt. anythg. On the whole, I think a good time was had by all. The next morning Eli continued his bid for Best Husband Ever by making everyone waffles and eggs -- awww! Unfortunately, some of the pics fr. that night contribute to a growing number of photographs I like to refer to as Good-Thg-I'm-Not-Planning-To-Run-For-Office-Anymore. I really need to ban cameras fr. all situations in which I could be intoxicated b/c even when I'm not being naughty, it sure as hell looks like I am. Plus I usually am being naughty, so, really, cameras are fr. this point forward not allowed.

Eli left this morning for two wks. in Alaska, which is sort of a bummer, though I would be lying if I said I wasn't relieved to get out of spending two wks. indoors w/his family -- haha! But since I will have two wks. on my own, I am faced w/a dilemma: I'm really torn b/t either surprising him when he gets home by having our room all clean and neat (which you should all know is quite difficult for me) or getting back at him for his incessant nagging and anality by completely decimating it while he's away. Truly, an epic battle b/t good and evil, no? heh heh heh....

"And I'm not happy And I'm not sad..."

Tonight was fun. Certainly more fun than could have been predicted fr. the middle part of my day, which was sandwiched like a faintly rancid piece of meat between more delectable events, namely a slightly dysfunctional (technically), but still amusing chat w/Brianna and Daniel online at the beginning of my day and a fun-filled evening of drinks and a movie w/my friend Tess. Tess, although in the military and stationed in this shithole, is one of the most animated, fun, beautiful, funny ppl. I have met. We were supposed to go see a movie and then meet up w/our hubbies and some friends, but we missed the early showing and 'had' to go get drinks for a couple of hrs. while we lated for the later showing instead. So I ended up laughing a lot, seeing a surprisingly awesome movie ("Something Different"), and enjoying conversation that couldn't be reduced to boobs, butts, and she's-hot-except-for-.....-but-I-would/would-not-do-her. The latter was esp. enjoyable b/c it was a much-needed change fr. my social life of the past four wks. or so. I think everyone in my acquaintance can attest to the fact that I can talk at great length abt. boobs, butts, and whomwouldyoudo, but there comes a time where even I would prefer to talk abt. the latest developments in pig farming than abt. one more person's 'rack'. So, yeah, the sheer variety of tonight's conversation left me somewhat euphoric and provided a far better buzz than the weak-ass drinks at Ruby Tuesday's. (Fucking hate that place.)

Now, let's talk abt. how I am the world's worst chem lab student. Really. If there was a prize for this, I would win every time, hands down. Most of you have already heard abt. the unfortunate water-up-the-gas-hose incident fr. Chem I, then there was my consistently mediocre performance in Chem II lab, and it seems that Organic lab is going to be more of the same, but with the possible addition of a chemical burn and/or small explosion. Take, for example, this past wk.'s lab. Thgs. started out well enough (uh, I was on time for once), but rapidly began the downhill tumble to Shittown. I'll spare you the details, but highlights included:
- Me spilling hydrochloric acid on the floor. Don't worry, though -- my foot blocked most of it.
- Our solute would not dissolve after 15 solid mins. of stirring and when we followed our TA's advice and attempted to begin the flitration, the solid chunks blocked our filter and we had to drain the liquid, unclog the funnel filter, and attempt to perform the experiment w/our significantly weakened solution.
- Naturally, this led to our experiment not working properly, which led to our professor coming over to see how we had fucked up the first (and therefore easiest) real lab of the semester. After asking a few questions and shaking her head, she just said to me, "Well, you're doing a great job of stirring that."
- Katie and I ended up taking longer than every other grp. in the class save one, which would be just plain annoying under normal circumstances, but because we were using ether for this experiment, my prolonged time in the lab combined with my quick, shallow breaths of frustration to produce a hellacious headache and a more than usually severe feeling of disorientation. I then got in my car, drove the 50 mi. back to my town, and spent the next 4 hrs. in the ER for my volunteering shift. Luckily, there is little traffic on the roads I use and by the time I had to start an IV, I had more or less recovered.
- As we were leaving the lab, I tried to make amends w/our TA for being such a pain in the ass and I jokingly said, "Sorry we suck!" expecting her to laugh and say smthg. like, "Oh, no, no..." or smthg. similary reassuring. Instead, she said, "It's okay," and sighed. HA!

All I can say is, I'm really glad Katie was my lab partner last semester, too, b/c she knows I'm terrible at this and has learned to laugh. Plus, she's not v. good, either, so we get to take turns being the jackass.

Off to bed for me. I have a big day of cleaning to look forward to b/c I need to get this place in shape for Christy and Jennifer's impending visit (YAY!!!) and also b/c if Eli nags me one more bob-damned time abt. it, I'm going to have to flee the country to avoid being arrested for murder. I am hoping to travel more, but I would rather not have to do so under an assumed identity. Unless, of course, that identity is wealthy and attractive, in which case Eli better watch his back.