Or at least such is the claim Russia is attempting to make against British diplomats. I'm sure you've all heard or will shortly hear abt. this story, but I felt compelled to take a moment to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thg. Highlights fr. the Washington Post article I read included:
'Documents featured on the program appeared to show that the British planned to fund a school to train public inspectors in remote areas. "We can only guess at who these inspectors were and what they were going to see in northern Siberia and the Far East," said an unnamed FSB officer...' Wow, yeah. Job training in a tundric shithole like Siberia is WAY subversive. Thank God the FSB was on alert for these thgs. With cunning intelligence like this, I just can't believe the USSR lost the Cold War!
'"We have a kind of gentlemen's understanding that official intelligence representatives won't engage in espionage," said Ignatchenko, referring to the head of the British intelligence service MI6 in Moscow, one of whose aides allegedly was filmed at the park. "The agreement seems to have been breached. In fact, we have been deceived."' hmmm... So the ppl. working in *intelligence* [allegedly] engaged in *espionage* and that is shocking? Maybe smthg. got lost in translation and the Russians thought intelligence meant intelligentsia. They're probably still waiting for pasty waifs to show up at their coffee shops, throwing around Western money and moaning abt. the meaning of being.
And my personal favorite: '"At first we thought this was a normal, typical secret drop-off point camouflaged under a stone," an FSB officer told state-run Rossiya television. "However, later when our specialists carried out their investigation, it became clear that the stone contained an electronic device. This was absolutely new spy technology."' Uh-huh. You know, I understand that by the end of the Cold War Russia was pretty behind in terms of world trends and technological development, but calling a fake rock 'absolutely new spy technology'? Really? *Really??* I think I saw a cave painting abt. that in Lascaux. Yeah, you know, the one where the Cro-Magnons destroyed the Neanderthals by using fake rocks to store their weapons in preparation for an ambush. And 'normal, typical secret drop-off point...under a stone' that apparently everyone knows abt., making it rather less than secret in my estimation?? hahaha... It's like Spy vs. Spy, but less sophisticated.
Even if Britain *was* spying on Russia via a fake rock, Russian intell has so successfully managed to come off as sputtering beefcake peabrains that Britain won't even need to try to cover it up. No one reading a statement involving such pitiful remonstrances and unlikely evidential offerings is going to bother w/being outraged b/c they'll be too busy pointing and laughing. I bet even Russians are laughing. Secretly, of course, in their hovel-like flats, still slightly worried that their neighbor is in the KGB and is waiting for an excuse to turn them in so he/she can move in to the apt. w/a view, but laughing nonetheless.
'Documents featured on the program appeared to show that the British planned to fund a school to train public inspectors in remote areas. "We can only guess at who these inspectors were and what they were going to see in northern Siberia and the Far East," said an unnamed FSB officer...' Wow, yeah. Job training in a tundric shithole like Siberia is WAY subversive. Thank God the FSB was on alert for these thgs. With cunning intelligence like this, I just can't believe the USSR lost the Cold War!
'"We have a kind of gentlemen's understanding that official intelligence representatives won't engage in espionage," said Ignatchenko, referring to the head of the British intelligence service MI6 in Moscow, one of whose aides allegedly was filmed at the park. "The agreement seems to have been breached. In fact, we have been deceived."' hmmm... So the ppl. working in *intelligence* [allegedly] engaged in *espionage* and that is shocking? Maybe smthg. got lost in translation and the Russians thought intelligence meant intelligentsia. They're probably still waiting for pasty waifs to show up at their coffee shops, throwing around Western money and moaning abt. the meaning of being.
And my personal favorite: '"At first we thought this was a normal, typical secret drop-off point camouflaged under a stone," an FSB officer told state-run Rossiya television. "However, later when our specialists carried out their investigation, it became clear that the stone contained an electronic device. This was absolutely new spy technology."' Uh-huh. You know, I understand that by the end of the Cold War Russia was pretty behind in terms of world trends and technological development, but calling a fake rock 'absolutely new spy technology'? Really? *Really??* I think I saw a cave painting abt. that in Lascaux. Yeah, you know, the one where the Cro-Magnons destroyed the Neanderthals by using fake rocks to store their weapons in preparation for an ambush. And 'normal, typical secret drop-off point...under a stone' that apparently everyone knows abt., making it rather less than secret in my estimation?? hahaha... It's like Spy vs. Spy, but less sophisticated.
Even if Britain *was* spying on Russia via a fake rock, Russian intell has so successfully managed to come off as sputtering beefcake peabrains that Britain won't even need to try to cover it up. No one reading a statement involving such pitiful remonstrances and unlikely evidential offerings is going to bother w/being outraged b/c they'll be too busy pointing and laughing. I bet even Russians are laughing. Secretly, of course, in their hovel-like flats, still slightly worried that their neighbor is in the KGB and is waiting for an excuse to turn them in so he/she can move in to the apt. w/a view, but laughing nonetheless.
5 comments:
Not only is Russian intelligence on the decline, so is its health and population. Check out this article if only for its amusing reference to Scotland as the "Belarus of the West" http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-ferguson23jan23,0,7994587.column?coll=la-news-comment-opinions
Apparently the population of Russia will equal that of Egypt by the year 2050.
Poor Russia...stupid, fat and diminished. Not unlike the Midwest.
"It's a sick, Thick World" by Niall Ferguson is the LA times article since the entire link decided not to show up.
There's also funny spot on The Daily Show about the rock called "War on a Rock."
You know you have not signed my guestbook!!!! Boo!!!!
You know how people hide spare keys in fake rocks? It's so obvious. When I get my own house I'm going to get one of those rocks, but put a scorpion in it. Who's clever now, Mr. Burglar?
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