'Ah, where'd it go?!' (or, 'Eat a damn biscuit, girl!')
'Who's that boy?'
I swear it looks better than this in real life.23 July 2007
Look, she's got no hair!!
'Ah, where'd it go?!' (or, 'Eat a damn biscuit, girl!') 'Who's that boy?'I swear it looks better than this in real life.
15 July 2007
Oh...my...gosh...
If you've not already seen this, you really should:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdzchIMi43Y
Make sure you pay attn. to the lyrics. I first heard this song when I was driving one of my young clients home and I def. laughed, even though I should have just changed the station. I'm such a good employee.
Also on the list of recent moments when I have laughed inappropriately w/a child: Whilst supervising a group scavenger hunt at the Natural History Museum, I witnessed a young girl of abt. 8 y.o. run headlong toward a glass display case and *bounce*off*. As if this were not enough to make me bust a gut, the girl's mom tried to make her feel better by knocking her own head against the glass (gently, of course) saying, 'Oh, yeah, it's hard to see this glass!' AH-HAHAHA!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdzchIMi43Y
Make sure you pay attn. to the lyrics. I first heard this song when I was driving one of my young clients home and I def. laughed, even though I should have just changed the station. I'm such a good employee.
Also on the list of recent moments when I have laughed inappropriately w/a child: Whilst supervising a group scavenger hunt at the Natural History Museum, I witnessed a young girl of abt. 8 y.o. run headlong toward a glass display case and *bounce*off*. As if this were not enough to make me bust a gut, the girl's mom tried to make her feel better by knocking her own head against the glass (gently, of course) saying, 'Oh, yeah, it's hard to see this glass!' AH-HAHAHA!!
29 May 2007
"I drink a lot."
As many of you know, I recently started a new job. Helping ppl. Specifically, I work w/kids in inner city Washington, DC, who are underpriveleged and in need of mental health services. In fact, most of them are in need of new parents, but as a result of having only shit ones, these kids now need mental health services. Which I provide.
The first six wks. of this little karmic experiment went pretty well, meaning that although my kids all have terrible backgrounds and I saw terrible thgs. related to them (e.g., schools w/o electricity, teenage neighbors w/handguns, mom w/eight kids notifying me of being pregnant w/#9, etc.), my kids themselves did a pretty good job of keeping it together. At least when they were w/me, which, I will admit, is my top priority. Ideally, I would like for these kids to be able to act straight in all settings -- that is sort of the point of our work, after all -- but to be honest, that is simply not going to be possible for most of them. So if they can act like a normal, rational human being for a couple of hrs. ea. wk. while they're w/me, fab-o.
Unfortunately, reality, it seems, has finally begun to set in. One girl has decided she would rather return to juvenile detention than follow the rules at home. One of my boys is temporarily banished fr. my car b/c he found it impossible to keep his seatbelt on and not touch the steering wheel while we drove. Another boy has refused to attend evening substance abuse treatment, instead choosing to escalate his abuse, abscond fr. home, and necessitate involuntary hospitalization. And those are just the highlights -- I could continue in this manner w/all 18 of my cases.
Last wk., at the beginning of the end, as I stood explaining to one of my kids why I was going to have to call her probation officer and then the police as a result of her intransigently unsafe, belligerent behavior, I recalled a scene fr. my interview for this job. My future supervisors asked me what I did to relax, how did I go home at the end of a hard day in the pits of Hell and make myself feel better. This question was not actually surprising, given the nature of this job, and I made an apparently satisfactory answer involving social support, music, and horseback riding. But what surprised me was the answer that almost immediately flew fr. my mouth, the answer that, even half-joking though it was intended, would have been a deal breaker had it slipped forth: "I drink a lot."
And so I do. Not generally during the wk. (though that is not a hard and fast rule) and def. not while I am at work, but I do -- I drink a lot.
The first six wks. of this little karmic experiment went pretty well, meaning that although my kids all have terrible backgrounds and I saw terrible thgs. related to them (e.g., schools w/o electricity, teenage neighbors w/handguns, mom w/eight kids notifying me of being pregnant w/#9, etc.), my kids themselves did a pretty good job of keeping it together. At least when they were w/me, which, I will admit, is my top priority. Ideally, I would like for these kids to be able to act straight in all settings -- that is sort of the point of our work, after all -- but to be honest, that is simply not going to be possible for most of them. So if they can act like a normal, rational human being for a couple of hrs. ea. wk. while they're w/me, fab-o.
Unfortunately, reality, it seems, has finally begun to set in. One girl has decided she would rather return to juvenile detention than follow the rules at home. One of my boys is temporarily banished fr. my car b/c he found it impossible to keep his seatbelt on and not touch the steering wheel while we drove. Another boy has refused to attend evening substance abuse treatment, instead choosing to escalate his abuse, abscond fr. home, and necessitate involuntary hospitalization. And those are just the highlights -- I could continue in this manner w/all 18 of my cases.
Last wk., at the beginning of the end, as I stood explaining to one of my kids why I was going to have to call her probation officer and then the police as a result of her intransigently unsafe, belligerent behavior, I recalled a scene fr. my interview for this job. My future supervisors asked me what I did to relax, how did I go home at the end of a hard day in the pits of Hell and make myself feel better. This question was not actually surprising, given the nature of this job, and I made an apparently satisfactory answer involving social support, music, and horseback riding. But what surprised me was the answer that almost immediately flew fr. my mouth, the answer that, even half-joking though it was intended, would have been a deal breaker had it slipped forth: "I drink a lot."
And so I do. Not generally during the wk. (though that is not a hard and fast rule) and def. not while I am at work, but I do -- I drink a lot.
20 May 2007
Give me a stinking break.
Being the dutiful child I am, I spent my w/e visiting family, first a day w/my stepmom (for the moment) and my half-siblings, then an overnight visit w/my grandmother. The number of features that could make this the most annoying w/e ever are manifold: my awkward position of marriage counselor/confidante in my dad and stepmom's continuing marital weirdness; my grandmother's obssessive-compulsive disorder; the $235 car repair bill I had to pay. And so on and so on, ad nauseum (mostly my nauseum).
But the crowning glory must be the three times people asked if I was my grandmother's daughter. Not once, not twice, but THREE times someone seemed to think I look old enough to be my 72 y.o. grandmother's daughter.
What the frick, ppl.???
I am now shopping for a sturdy paper bag w/which I can cover my apparently haggard face. This is why I didn't want to turn 25.
But the crowning glory must be the three times people asked if I was my grandmother's daughter. Not once, not twice, but THREE times someone seemed to think I look old enough to be my 72 y.o. grandmother's daughter.
What the frick, ppl.???
I am now shopping for a sturdy paper bag w/which I can cover my apparently haggard face. This is why I didn't want to turn 25.
24 March 2007
A little smthg. w/which to scare the kids...
My house is infested w/spiders. Big, brown, nocturnal, semi-hairy, jumping spiders. And that does not even begin to describe how repulsive they are in the, um, whatever arachnids have for flesh. I have been assured that my most unwelcome guests are not of the brown recluse variety, but I would rather not test those waters to make sure. Oh, and did I mention that there used to be a Gigantor one that lived in a corner of our cathedral ceiling in the living room and when she ate (I'm pretty sure it was a she b/c it actually had a web, unlike the others, and I think that's where she kept her spawn), you could *hear* her -- "clickclickclick." Her pincers clicking, snipping through the thorax of her meal, you could *hear* that, 15 feet below, sitting on our couch, trying to watch The Simpsons or some such bullshit.
Pret-ty Gross. But, not gross enough to overcome my inability to kill thgs. I don't know when this happened, but it seems I am loathe to kill anythg., even nasty bug interlopers. These spiders have shown up everywhere fr. my dresser drawers to my BED. And still, I could not actually kill one. Usually, I would just flail and they would scurry or I would get one of the cats to chase the latest offendor into hiding. Occasionally, for v. small ones that did not yet scare the bejeezus out of me, I would scoop them up w/a glass and take them outside.
But the tide has turned decidedly against the eight-legged invaders. It is on. Full-on Bugs-You-Are-Going-Down War.
The other day, I stepped out of the shower, started toweling off, thinking how glad I am that winter is over and the bathroom is no longer cold when I get out of the hot water and wondering where my leave-in conditioner had gotten to, when I noticed that my navy blue towel had suddenly sprouted a spot of unattractive brown color. And then the spot moved toward my face. Oh, the hell no. Much as I would like to say that I did not shriek and jump around like I moron, I cannot. In fact, I squealed so loudly, Eli thought I had fallen in the tub and hurt myself (I'm a little surprised I didn't). I did, however, manage to compose myself enough to shake the towel quite aggressively, a maneuver which not only removed the spider fr. my towel, but also injured it. Feeling it would be wrong to lv. it to suffer so, I called Eli in to the bathroom and he picked it up w/some TP and put it in the toilet. Dead. I felt a little bad abt. this.
Until tonight.
Again, minding my own business, on my way to the bathroom to get some floss so I can start my nightly routine, when -- FLPTH!! TWO AND A HALF INCH SPIDER ON MY FOOT. Asshole *jumped* out fr. behind my bedroom door and onto my foot -- and I am not exaggerating. He didn't stay there long, but it was enough: one of us had to go. For a little bit, it looked like it would be me. I immediately laced on a pair of sneakers (needed smthg. to protect my now-tainted feet) and I contemplated just sleeping in the guest bedroom and lvng. my bedroom to the spider. But then I saw the spider attempting to get INTO MY BED and it was over. It was my own little post-traumatic flashback montage: envisioning the last time I found a spider in my bed crawling up my arm, thinking of the one of my towel, the one I found in my pajamas...ARGH!! I got a pair of gloves, put a plastic bag over my foot, hurled small objects at the fucker until he was trapped in a corner and then I did it -- I killed him. W/my plastic-bag clad foot, I squashed him.
I felt sort of happy, like I had accomplished smthg., until I thought abt. how I must have looked: I was hunched over, shaking slightly, in a corner of my room wearing fleece gloves, tennis shoes, an Old Navy shopping bag covering my right leg fr. the knee down, and...a blue satin nighty. That's right, folks, I had thought it would be nice to put on smthg. cute for Eli since I'm moving in a wk. and then he goes to Korea for a yr. And this is how it ended -- me in a blue teddy, looking like a mental patient, muttering abt. killer spiders, wearing gloves in 80 degree heat, and stomping around w/a plastic bag on one foot. Spicy.
06 February 2007
Germ vs. Paper; Like Lemmings Off the Cliff; Quelle Surprise!
Really? You *really* think that works??
As many of you know, I have long prided myself on having a bladder made of smthg. akin to steel, but more flexible, which allows me the luxury of avoiding public restrooms in all but the most emergent of cases. Unfortunately -- but expectedly, given my encroaching decrepitude and age (and the fact that I have finally learned to drink the RDA of water) -- Old Faithful has been letting me down lately. More and more often, I find myself having to interrupt road trips or dinners out so that I may have the distinct displeasure of seeking out public facilities.
I know only a few warped individuals who actually enjoy using public toilets (and those I know only through urban legends, not personal acquaintance), but for me, using a toilet other than my own is a singularly distasteful experience. Blame the early exposure to my grandmother's obsessive-compulsive fixation on disease or the fact that I swear I can feel the tiny molecules lingering fr. someone else's, erm, 'secretion' entering my trachea, but either way, I just have a problem w/communal bathrooms. I shudder, I close my eyes and pray, I even hold my breath on occasion, but one thg. I never do is use those little tissue paper toilet seat covers.
In the past, I felt sort of self-conscious that I did not immediately set abt. unfurling and arranging the bit of gossamer that many others seem to feel is a compulsory component of a visit to the public loo (you can hear them rustling!), but I rarely bothered w/this. I never thought abt. it much, but a few wks. ago, entering the restroom at a local grocery store (no, I really couldn't wait til I finished my shopping), I finally discerned why exactly I generally exempt myself fr. this ritual, despite my excessive aversion to municipal facilities.
My rationale is twofold: 1) The simple fact is, that flimsy bit of paper is absolutely not going to prevent any germs fr. getting through. In fact, half the time it only serves to highlight the many areas of the toilet seat that have already been sullied, which serves only to make the experience that much more repulsive. Furthermore, these toilet seat covers are not, to the best of my knowledge, possessed of any sort of anti-bacterial quality, thereby further lessening their utility, which brings me to 2) What a waste of trees. Honestly, consider how many trees are cut down so that ppl. can lay out these useless 'prophylactics.' In this age of global warming, doesn't it make more sense to stop pretending that tissue paper horseshoe you just put down somehow constitutes a feasible line of defense b/t you and germs of unknown origin when you know v. well that if you tried to blow your nose w/that paper, you would have to fold it no fewer than three times in order to prevent fr. blowing straight through??
Protect the planet, forego the toilet seat cover! After all, it doesn't protect you fr. squat!
This just in: GW replaces lemming as Nature's most infamous surge-er
I know only a few warped individuals who actually enjoy using public toilets (and those I know only through urban legends, not personal acquaintance), but for me, using a toilet other than my own is a singularly distasteful experience. Blame the early exposure to my grandmother's obsessive-compulsive fixation on disease or the fact that I swear I can feel the tiny molecules lingering fr. someone else's, erm, 'secretion' entering my trachea, but either way, I just have a problem w/communal bathrooms. I shudder, I close my eyes and pray, I even hold my breath on occasion, but one thg. I never do is use those little tissue paper toilet seat covers.
In the past, I felt sort of self-conscious that I did not immediately set abt. unfurling and arranging the bit of gossamer that many others seem to feel is a compulsory component of a visit to the public loo (you can hear them rustling!), but I rarely bothered w/this. I never thought abt. it much, but a few wks. ago, entering the restroom at a local grocery store (no, I really couldn't wait til I finished my shopping), I finally discerned why exactly I generally exempt myself fr. this ritual, despite my excessive aversion to municipal facilities.
My rationale is twofold: 1) The simple fact is, that flimsy bit of paper is absolutely not going to prevent any germs fr. getting through. In fact, half the time it only serves to highlight the many areas of the toilet seat that have already been sullied, which serves only to make the experience that much more repulsive. Furthermore, these toilet seat covers are not, to the best of my knowledge, possessed of any sort of anti-bacterial quality, thereby further lessening their utility, which brings me to 2) What a waste of trees. Honestly, consider how many trees are cut down so that ppl. can lay out these useless 'prophylactics.' In this age of global warming, doesn't it make more sense to stop pretending that tissue paper horseshoe you just put down somehow constitutes a feasible line of defense b/t you and germs of unknown origin when you know v. well that if you tried to blow your nose w/that paper, you would have to fold it no fewer than three times in order to prevent fr. blowing straight through??
Protect the planet, forego the toilet seat cover! After all, it doesn't protect you fr. squat!
This just in: GW replaces lemming as Nature's most infamous surge-er
I'm not going to go to far into this b/c, in the words of The Smiths, 'That joke isn't funny anymore -- it's too close to home and it's too near the bone,' but my blog just wouldn't be mine if I didn't make some snide remark abt. Pres. Bush's brilliant new Iraq strategy, The Surge. And by 'brilliant' I mean 'dumbest thg. since Napoleon's decision to surge into Russia in winter.' A more recent example of this misguided battle plan would be the Johnson administration's decision to throw more troops into the asymmetrical war in Vietnam, which served only to inflate the US casualty list. Well played, boys.
Words cannot convey my feelings when I learned my husband was to be part of this action. But some that come close are: bitter, frustrated, and I-hate-you-motherfuckers.
Reluctantly joining the Quarter Century Club
Words cannot convey my feelings when I learned my husband was to be part of this action. But some that come close are: bitter, frustrated, and I-hate-you-motherfuckers.
Reluctantly joining the Quarter Century Club
I am now officially 25. Wee-fricking-haw. For a variety of reasons, I was not thrilled abt. this birt-day. Unenthusiastic does not begin to describe it. In spite of this, my 25th turned out to be quite a nice day. These are the thgs. that made it rock:
1) Jill gave me my presents immediately after I woke up, which include the most awesome contact lense case ever, viewable at: http://welltemperedkitchen.com/lucoleca.html She also took me to lunch at the awesome new Indian buffet, where I def. got my $7.50 worth (mmm, black dahl, I love you...).
2) I got an uber-long-distance call fr. Melissa in the Netherlands just before I left for work and had a v. exciting conversation abt. potential Ph.D. opportunities there -- I am slowly but surely beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, professionally speaking.
1) Jill gave me my presents immediately after I woke up, which include the most awesome contact lense case ever, viewable at: http://welltemperedkitchen.com/lucoleca.html She also took me to lunch at the awesome new Indian buffet, where I def. got my $7.50 worth (mmm, black dahl, I love you...).
2) I got an uber-long-distance call fr. Melissa in the Netherlands just before I left for work and had a v. exciting conversation abt. potential Ph.D. opportunities there -- I am slowly but surely beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, professionally speaking.
3) Found the most beautiful skirt at bebe -- on sale.
4) Was offered free highlights and a haircut at a salon I normally cannot afford.
5) Had a wonderful, mellow, entertaining dinner w/my Chas. girls at Kate's adorable house. Thank you, Christy, for making the pizza dough fr. scratch, and thank you, Charlotte, for helping to 'decorate' the Best Pizza Ever.
6) In addition to the perfect I-don't-want-to-be-25 dinner, Christy, Kate, and Charlotte also gave me fabulous presents, including my new favorite purse, jewelry I love but would be too much of a weenie to buy for myself, and a CD I love but would be too embarrassed to buy for myself -- hee hee...
7) Enough phone calls, emails, and general nice-ness to last me til next birt-day. I feel so warm and fuzzy!
25: I don't love it, but it didn't kill me. Yet.
4) Was offered free highlights and a haircut at a salon I normally cannot afford.
5) Had a wonderful, mellow, entertaining dinner w/my Chas. girls at Kate's adorable house. Thank you, Christy, for making the pizza dough fr. scratch, and thank you, Charlotte, for helping to 'decorate' the Best Pizza Ever.
6) In addition to the perfect I-don't-want-to-be-25 dinner, Christy, Kate, and Charlotte also gave me fabulous presents, including my new favorite purse, jewelry I love but would be too much of a weenie to buy for myself, and a CD I love but would be too embarrassed to buy for myself -- hee hee...
7) Enough phone calls, emails, and general nice-ness to last me til next birt-day. I feel so warm and fuzzy!
25: I don't love it, but it didn't kill me. Yet.
24 January 2007
I can't be bothered w/a real post right now, but this is pretty funny
Soundtrack of My Life Music Shuffle.
To take this survey, put your music player on shuffle, and answer each question with the song that comes on, then put any comments you have.
1. What is your name?
Song: A Little Bit of Ecstasy -- Jocelyn Enriquez
Comments: Well, I always joked abt. wanting to be a stripper...
2. Will you get far in life?
Song: Gold Dust Woman -- Fleetwood Mac
Comments: I could be a hot, manipulative queen ultimately destined for tragedy.
3. How can you get far in life?
Song: Angel -- Massive Attack
Comments: Apparently by leaving it.
4. What is [or will be] your profession?
Song: Comfort Eagle -- Cake
Comments: I'm not sure what exactly a Comfort Eagle does, but it sounds sort ofcunning and perhaps drug-related. Maybe I'll get my own infomercial.
5. What do you really want from life?
Song: How to Save a Life -- The Fray
Comments: Wow, that seems pretty apropos. And it also makes me think even more that God is telling me to get the med school show on the road instead of putzing around hiding fr. the MCAT and broken bones (I don't like the crunch noise!!).
6. What should you do to help others?
Song: The Thunder Rolls (Extended Version) -- Garth Brooks
Comments: Exact revenge on cheating ratbag husbands? That would seemingly serve only a small population, but could be satisfying.
7. What should you do to help yourself?
Song: Everbody Knows -- Denali
Comments: It would be nice if everyone would let me know.
8. Will you succeed in life?
Song: I Do -- Lisa Loeb
Comments: I Do, I Will, whatever -- seems affirmative to me.
9. What should you do to succeed?
Song: China -- Tori Amos
Comments: Go to China? Use china? I dunno. The song *is* all abt. emotional barriers and intimacy issues, so maybe it's saying the secret to my success is to continue in my cynical, guarded ways.
10. What is one of your most important goals in life?
Song: Please Forgive Me -- David Gray
Comments: Goodness, I can only imagine what I plan to do if I am alreadybegging forgiveness!
11. How is [or was] high school?
Song: Blue Light (Engineers' Anti-Gravity Remix) -- Bloc Party
Comments: I suppose it was often a melancholy time for me, but thinking abt.it makes me smile, just like this song.
12. How do you see yourself?
Song: Thriller -- Michael Jackson
Comments: hmmm...That would probably indicate a severe psychosis and/or narcissistic personality disorder.
13. How do your friends see you?
Song: The Way I Am -- Eminem
Comments: That seems nice, until you remember that the actual song is all angst-y and sarcastic. On second thought, I guess I am sort of angst-y and sarcastic, or at least sarcastic.
14. How does the world see you?
Song: Eyes without a Face -- Billy Idol
Comments: Gee, that's pretty deep. Could it be that ppl. don't see the whole me b/c they get hung up on the (distracting, alluring) details? haha...
15. What is your theme song?
Song: Silent Spring -- Massive Attack
Comments: It is a lovely, intricate song whose lyrics are unintelligible -- that sounds a lot like me.
16. What is the best thing about you?
1. What is your name?
Song: A Little Bit of Ecstasy -- Jocelyn Enriquez
Comments: Well, I always joked abt. wanting to be a stripper...
2. Will you get far in life?
Song: Gold Dust Woman -- Fleetwood Mac
Comments: I could be a hot, manipulative queen ultimately destined for tragedy.
3. How can you get far in life?
Song: Angel -- Massive Attack
Comments: Apparently by leaving it.
4. What is [or will be] your profession?
Song: Comfort Eagle -- Cake
Comments: I'm not sure what exactly a Comfort Eagle does, but it sounds sort ofcunning and perhaps drug-related. Maybe I'll get my own infomercial.
5. What do you really want from life?
Song: How to Save a Life -- The Fray
Comments: Wow, that seems pretty apropos. And it also makes me think even more that God is telling me to get the med school show on the road instead of putzing around hiding fr. the MCAT and broken bones (I don't like the crunch noise!!).
6. What should you do to help others?
Song: The Thunder Rolls (Extended Version) -- Garth Brooks
Comments: Exact revenge on cheating ratbag husbands? That would seemingly serve only a small population, but could be satisfying.
7. What should you do to help yourself?
Song: Everbody Knows -- Denali
Comments: It would be nice if everyone would let me know.
8. Will you succeed in life?
Song: I Do -- Lisa Loeb
Comments: I Do, I Will, whatever -- seems affirmative to me.
9. What should you do to succeed?
Song: China -- Tori Amos
Comments: Go to China? Use china? I dunno. The song *is* all abt. emotional barriers and intimacy issues, so maybe it's saying the secret to my success is to continue in my cynical, guarded ways.
10. What is one of your most important goals in life?
Song: Please Forgive Me -- David Gray
Comments: Goodness, I can only imagine what I plan to do if I am alreadybegging forgiveness!
11. How is [or was] high school?
Song: Blue Light (Engineers' Anti-Gravity Remix) -- Bloc Party
Comments: I suppose it was often a melancholy time for me, but thinking abt.it makes me smile, just like this song.
12. How do you see yourself?
Song: Thriller -- Michael Jackson
Comments: hmmm...That would probably indicate a severe psychosis and/or narcissistic personality disorder.
13. How do your friends see you?
Song: The Way I Am -- Eminem
Comments: That seems nice, until you remember that the actual song is all angst-y and sarcastic. On second thought, I guess I am sort of angst-y and sarcastic, or at least sarcastic.
14. How does the world see you?
Song: Eyes without a Face -- Billy Idol
Comments: Gee, that's pretty deep. Could it be that ppl. don't see the whole me b/c they get hung up on the (distracting, alluring) details? haha...
15. What is your theme song?
Song: Silent Spring -- Massive Attack
Comments: It is a lovely, intricate song whose lyrics are unintelligible -- that sounds a lot like me.
16. What is the best thing about you?
Song: I See You Baby (Shakin' that Ass) -- Groove Armada
Comments: Let's face it, I DO have a hot ass and I shake it quite often.
17. What is the worst thing about you?
Song: Roses -- Outkast
Comments: Again w/the narcissism...Am I really that self-centered?? (she queried as she filled out a survey all abt. herself...)
18. How is today going to be?
Song: Keep their Heads Ringin' -- Dr. Dre
Comments: Considering that it is 230am and I am going to get only abt. four hrs. of sleep, I v. well might have a hellacious headache the rest of the day.
19. How will this week be?
Song: Breaking the Girl -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Comments: Oh, that does *not* bode well...
20. What's in store for this weekend?
Song: You Could Be Mine -- Guns'N'Roses
Comments: Vicious, aggressive, and focused -- I like it. I am now determined that smthg. will be mine this w/e, even if it's just a bottle of wine (which I will apparently need after my "Breaking the Girl" week).
21. What song describes your parents?
Song: You're Crazy Nuts from Hell Bent on Driving me to an Early Grave -- Me
What do you mean you've never heard that song??
Hmmm, interestingly, the real song that came up was "Down By the Water" by PJ Harvey
Comments: This is a song abt. drowning a 'lovely, blue-eyed daughter,' so maybe my faux song wasn't that far off -- haha!
22. What song describes your grandparents?
Song: My Way -- Limp Bizkit
Comments: Uh, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop are thinking abt. moving back to the East Coast, which is geographically my way (and would be awesome).
23. How is your life going so far?
Song: You Turn the Screws -- Cake
Comments: It has been rather tortuous at points...
24. Will you have a happy life?
Song: There It Go (The Whistle Song) -- Juelz Santana
Comments: Given the upbeat whistle featured in this song, the idiot grin I get on my face everytime I hear it, and the fact that if you squint really hard,'There it go,' could be an agreeable answer to whether or not I will be happy,I'll say this is pretty good.
25. How can you make yourself happy?
Song: Winona's Big Brown Beaver -- Primus
Comments: No, seriously, that's the song that came up. Perhaps I should be re-evaluating my sexual orientation.
26. What gives you the most pleasure?
Song: I Know what You Want -- Busta Rhymes and Mariah Carey
Comments: I do love giving ppl. gifts.
27. Do people secretly lust after you?
Song: Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker -- Bud Light Commercial
Comments: Really, I couldn't make this up.
28. What is your signature dancing song?
Song: Losing Lisa -- Ben Folds
Comments: I do secretly like to twirl and jump around to this song, but that's def. not how I dance in public. I move to strike the music player's random selection from the record and replace it w/'Toxic' by Britney Spears. Hearing no objections,the motion carries.
29. Where will you get married?
Song: Running Down a Dream -- Tom Petty
Comments: Let me assure you, Ft. Gordon, GA, site of my actual wedding, is no picnic, let alone a dream. Hopefully this means Eli and I will one day get around to having our long-planned re-wedding extravaganza.
30. What song will they play at your wedding?
Song: Playground Love -- Air
Comments: Awww...that would have been perfect since Eli and I are high school sweethearts!
31. Will you ever have children?
Song: Insane in the Membrane -- Cypress Hill
Comments: HAHAHAHAHA!! Yes, if I ever go insane in my membrane, I may have kids, who will surely drive me even more insane.
32. How will you die?
Song: All the Things She Said -- TATU
Comments: I will be killed by vicious rumors spread by Russian pretend-lesbiansand their mini-skirt clad army?
33. What song will they play at your funeral?
Song: Closer (Nine Inch Nails) vs. In Da Club (50 Cent)
Comments: Oh, yes, please. Esp. if my mom is outlives me, play this song at my funeral. She would join me soon enough if you did.
34. What is some good advice?
Song: The Rain -- Missy Elliott
Comments: Um, well, when it rains, I like to go to bed early and lay (lie?) there listening to it against the window. So, uh, if you're anxious and looking fora way to relax, try this. It would be particularly helpful if you lived in the Pacific Northwest or Scotland where rain is readily available. If not, buy one of those little fountain thgs.
Now you try! Really, given the eclectic musical tastes of my friends, I think we could get some interesting versions of this....
17. What is the worst thing about you?
Song: Roses -- Outkast
Comments: Again w/the narcissism...Am I really that self-centered?? (she queried as she filled out a survey all abt. herself...)
18. How is today going to be?
Song: Keep their Heads Ringin' -- Dr. Dre
Comments: Considering that it is 230am and I am going to get only abt. four hrs. of sleep, I v. well might have a hellacious headache the rest of the day.
19. How will this week be?
Song: Breaking the Girl -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Comments: Oh, that does *not* bode well...
20. What's in store for this weekend?
Song: You Could Be Mine -- Guns'N'Roses
Comments: Vicious, aggressive, and focused -- I like it. I am now determined that smthg. will be mine this w/e, even if it's just a bottle of wine (which I will apparently need after my "Breaking the Girl" week).
21. What song describes your parents?
Song: You're Crazy Nuts from Hell Bent on Driving me to an Early Grave -- Me
What do you mean you've never heard that song??
Hmmm, interestingly, the real song that came up was "Down By the Water" by PJ Harvey
Comments: This is a song abt. drowning a 'lovely, blue-eyed daughter,' so maybe my faux song wasn't that far off -- haha!
22. What song describes your grandparents?
Song: My Way -- Limp Bizkit
Comments: Uh, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop are thinking abt. moving back to the East Coast, which is geographically my way (and would be awesome).
23. How is your life going so far?
Song: You Turn the Screws -- Cake
Comments: It has been rather tortuous at points...
24. Will you have a happy life?
Song: There It Go (The Whistle Song) -- Juelz Santana
Comments: Given the upbeat whistle featured in this song, the idiot grin I get on my face everytime I hear it, and the fact that if you squint really hard,'There it go,' could be an agreeable answer to whether or not I will be happy,I'll say this is pretty good.
25. How can you make yourself happy?
Song: Winona's Big Brown Beaver -- Primus
Comments: No, seriously, that's the song that came up. Perhaps I should be re-evaluating my sexual orientation.
26. What gives you the most pleasure?
Song: I Know what You Want -- Busta Rhymes and Mariah Carey
Comments: I do love giving ppl. gifts.
27. Do people secretly lust after you?
Song: Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker -- Bud Light Commercial
Comments: Really, I couldn't make this up.
28. What is your signature dancing song?
Song: Losing Lisa -- Ben Folds
Comments: I do secretly like to twirl and jump around to this song, but that's def. not how I dance in public. I move to strike the music player's random selection from the record and replace it w/'Toxic' by Britney Spears. Hearing no objections,the motion carries.
29. Where will you get married?
Song: Running Down a Dream -- Tom Petty
Comments: Let me assure you, Ft. Gordon, GA, site of my actual wedding, is no picnic, let alone a dream. Hopefully this means Eli and I will one day get around to having our long-planned re-wedding extravaganza.
30. What song will they play at your wedding?
Song: Playground Love -- Air
Comments: Awww...that would have been perfect since Eli and I are high school sweethearts!
31. Will you ever have children?
Song: Insane in the Membrane -- Cypress Hill
Comments: HAHAHAHAHA!! Yes, if I ever go insane in my membrane, I may have kids, who will surely drive me even more insane.
32. How will you die?
Song: All the Things She Said -- TATU
Comments: I will be killed by vicious rumors spread by Russian pretend-lesbiansand their mini-skirt clad army?
33. What song will they play at your funeral?
Song: Closer (Nine Inch Nails) vs. In Da Club (50 Cent)
Comments: Oh, yes, please. Esp. if my mom is outlives me, play this song at my funeral. She would join me soon enough if you did.
34. What is some good advice?
Song: The Rain -- Missy Elliott
Comments: Um, well, when it rains, I like to go to bed early and lay (lie?) there listening to it against the window. So, uh, if you're anxious and looking fora way to relax, try this. It would be particularly helpful if you lived in the Pacific Northwest or Scotland where rain is readily available. If not, buy one of those little fountain thgs.
Now you try! Really, given the eclectic musical tastes of my friends, I think we could get some interesting versions of this....
29 December 2006
Mourning the untimely demise of an unrepentant monster
This is going to be one of those moments akin to the Kennedy assassination or September 11th. Following a nighttime ride through the muffled whiteness of the latest blizzard here in CO, I sat down to my computer, crossing my fingers that my illicit Internet connection would be functional enough for me to send some business-y emails I have been putting off for several wks. Uttering an surreptitious exclamation of delight when the wireless connection did its job, I signed into my account, started to hit the 'Compose' button, but halted w/my finger above the mouse key as I read the title of the Washington Post News Alert in my Inbox: 'Former Iraqi President Hussein Executed.' My jaw dropped slightly -- you never expect to find that an evil which has colored your entire life really can die, and at the hands of an executioner, no less -- and I hastily read the article, a revised version of which can be found at:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/29/AR2006122900142.html?referrer=email
Then, smthg. even more unexpected happened. I welled up. I got all misty reading abt. the ignominious end of that dirtbag, Saddam. Don't misunderstand -- I wasn't sad for him, his death is no real loss to the world. I am, however, sad that in the midst of large-scale violence being perpetrated on all sides, the Iraqi government response is to join in the throes, adding one more victim the growing pile, albeit one more deserving of his end than many others who have perished thus far. If this whole thg. had taken place at a different time or in a different political context, I may not be so dismayed at the outcome. I am not a wholehearted proponent of the death penalty, but I think we can all agree that this man perpetrated some of the most heinous, brazen crimes against humanity this side of the Holocaust, and, frankly, I am okay w/such ppl. being hanged. I'm not trying to turn this into a debate abt. the death penalty, so save it -- I've heard the arguments of both sides and formed my own mostly anti- opinion according to my own standards of conduct, so let's leave it at that -- but what I am saying is that by hanging even a creature as vile as Saddam Hussein, the Iraqi government has just shot itself -- and us -- in the foot. No, more like the face.
Prior to his execution, Saddam was not much of a rallying point for anyone, not even his own Sunnis. Why? B/C he was, as covered previously, a cunning, ruthless asshole who was not particularly nice to anyone, regardless of religion, tribe, or political affiliation. The only thg. most Sunnis miss abt. Saddam are the oil revenues he used to throw their way to keep them fr. starving and rebelling against him since they do live in the most worthless section of Iraq and would not have survived otherwise -- as they are now unhappily discovering. But now, now all that has changed. By executing Saddam, the Iraqi government -- run primarily by Shi'ites and Kurds, remember, neither of whom are well-loved by the Sunnis and vice-versa -- has made a Sunni martyr of Saddam. They have created smthg. that was not there before, potentially triggering an even greater blood-letting than we have heretofore seen, even in the last six mos. when the Baghdad morgue has been averaging 100 bodies a day and the Coalition casualties have been mounting at steadily increasing rates.
Certainly, this is speculation. But it is educated speculation likely to be borne out by exceptionally unfortunate events. Certainly, too, if there is an increase in violence, much of it will be directed b/t the ever-warring factions within Iraq, not strictly at Coalition troops. But the execution took place within the American-run Green Zone, after a US judge gave consent through his silence for the event to take place, and at the behest of a government which is essentially propped up by the US Coalition. So you do the math and figure out if this is likely to decrease or increase the popularity of our troops there, at least among the Sunni faction. Maybe you can do some real fun math of the sort the administration uses often and thereby figure that two-thirds of the country is happy Saddam is dead, so that other third is inconsequential, no matter how many armed fanatics they count among their number. You can play the numbers as you see fit, but I for one am going to worry more than ever about the ppl. I care abt. who are over there or are soon to be so.
On a final note, Iraqis being fond of their guns as they are, it was not surprising that there was widespread celebratory gunfire across the country as news of Saddam's death spread. I believe the Ottoman Empire hadn't quite fallen off the knowledge wagon in the 17th c. when Newton conclusively demonstrated the existence of gravity and the attendant corollary, 'what goes up must come down,' which leads me to believe that these ppl. should have gotten the memo abt. that. This, in turn, would lead one to hope they would refrain fr. unreservedly letting loose a salvo of gunfire, since they should have the understanding that those bullets do come back down with some force, coming to rest, as all objects eventually do, when acted on by an outside force, frequently some unsuspecting bystander's body. A common complaint lodged against the West by ppl. fr. this region is that we underestimate them and look upon them as somehow 'less' than us -- less developed, less educated, less able to govern themselves w/o the use of force, etc. My question, then, is why would a ppl. so annoyed by our 'unfair' characterizations continue to engage in a behavior that is, charitably, foolish and which flies in the face of even the most basic scientific principles?
The world is above all a mystifying place.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/29/AR2006122900142.html?referrer=email
Then, smthg. even more unexpected happened. I welled up. I got all misty reading abt. the ignominious end of that dirtbag, Saddam. Don't misunderstand -- I wasn't sad for him, his death is no real loss to the world. I am, however, sad that in the midst of large-scale violence being perpetrated on all sides, the Iraqi government response is to join in the throes, adding one more victim the growing pile, albeit one more deserving of his end than many others who have perished thus far. If this whole thg. had taken place at a different time or in a different political context, I may not be so dismayed at the outcome. I am not a wholehearted proponent of the death penalty, but I think we can all agree that this man perpetrated some of the most heinous, brazen crimes against humanity this side of the Holocaust, and, frankly, I am okay w/such ppl. being hanged. I'm not trying to turn this into a debate abt. the death penalty, so save it -- I've heard the arguments of both sides and formed my own mostly anti- opinion according to my own standards of conduct, so let's leave it at that -- but what I am saying is that by hanging even a creature as vile as Saddam Hussein, the Iraqi government has just shot itself -- and us -- in the foot. No, more like the face.
Prior to his execution, Saddam was not much of a rallying point for anyone, not even his own Sunnis. Why? B/C he was, as covered previously, a cunning, ruthless asshole who was not particularly nice to anyone, regardless of religion, tribe, or political affiliation. The only thg. most Sunnis miss abt. Saddam are the oil revenues he used to throw their way to keep them fr. starving and rebelling against him since they do live in the most worthless section of Iraq and would not have survived otherwise -- as they are now unhappily discovering. But now, now all that has changed. By executing Saddam, the Iraqi government -- run primarily by Shi'ites and Kurds, remember, neither of whom are well-loved by the Sunnis and vice-versa -- has made a Sunni martyr of Saddam. They have created smthg. that was not there before, potentially triggering an even greater blood-letting than we have heretofore seen, even in the last six mos. when the Baghdad morgue has been averaging 100 bodies a day and the Coalition casualties have been mounting at steadily increasing rates.
Certainly, this is speculation. But it is educated speculation likely to be borne out by exceptionally unfortunate events. Certainly, too, if there is an increase in violence, much of it will be directed b/t the ever-warring factions within Iraq, not strictly at Coalition troops. But the execution took place within the American-run Green Zone, after a US judge gave consent through his silence for the event to take place, and at the behest of a government which is essentially propped up by the US Coalition. So you do the math and figure out if this is likely to decrease or increase the popularity of our troops there, at least among the Sunni faction. Maybe you can do some real fun math of the sort the administration uses often and thereby figure that two-thirds of the country is happy Saddam is dead, so that other third is inconsequential, no matter how many armed fanatics they count among their number. You can play the numbers as you see fit, but I for one am going to worry more than ever about the ppl. I care abt. who are over there or are soon to be so.
On a final note, Iraqis being fond of their guns as they are, it was not surprising that there was widespread celebratory gunfire across the country as news of Saddam's death spread. I believe the Ottoman Empire hadn't quite fallen off the knowledge wagon in the 17th c. when Newton conclusively demonstrated the existence of gravity and the attendant corollary, 'what goes up must come down,' which leads me to believe that these ppl. should have gotten the memo abt. that. This, in turn, would lead one to hope they would refrain fr. unreservedly letting loose a salvo of gunfire, since they should have the understanding that those bullets do come back down with some force, coming to rest, as all objects eventually do, when acted on by an outside force, frequently some unsuspecting bystander's body. A common complaint lodged against the West by ppl. fr. this region is that we underestimate them and look upon them as somehow 'less' than us -- less developed, less educated, less able to govern themselves w/o the use of force, etc. My question, then, is why would a ppl. so annoyed by our 'unfair' characterizations continue to engage in a behavior that is, charitably, foolish and which flies in the face of even the most basic scientific principles?
The world is above all a mystifying place.
27 December 2006
Happy those early days! when I/shined in my angel infancy./Before I understood this place...Vaughan
"Before I understood this place", indeed.
A couple of wks. ago, I had the singularly unpleasant experience of watching a lovely children's movie and, for the first time, crying upon its happy conclusion. The rather-too-loveable main character survived his perilous journey, he got the girl, and he managed to unite all of humanity behind his noble cause. This last bit is what precipitated the lacrimosal leakage. I cried while watching a happy ending b/c I knew as I saw the images of the fictional media coverage, public outcry, and concerted efforts of world leaders to solve the problem that this would never, EVER happen in real life. I think what really made me lose it was the footage of the U.N. passing a resolution and then implementing it successfully, sans political infighting, corporate interference, or plain ol' logistical bungling.
Thanks to my education and, uh, my ability to read the daily world news, I am well acquanited with the difficulty the U.N. has in gaining consensus of any kind, coupled with its near-impotence in terms of execution. I'm not trying to bash the U.N. here. I respect its stated mission, I believe the potential for greatness exists, and I firmly support many of its recent initiatives. I also, however, recognize that its mission is often neglected or manipulated, its potential is as yet unmet, and its recent initiatives remain unknown to average citizen of the world. Further, my own life experience makes it impossible for me to believe that even smthg. as notable as a tap-dancing penguin would be sufficient to spur the world toward making a sweeping, positive change such as the one in this movie. I just don't think human beings have enough humanity in them to 'do the right thg.', to set aside personal interests and politics and band together to make a much-needed reform.
I have long been a cynic, but my inability muster even the innocence needed to watch a simple movie and enjoy its simple, happy ending for what it is is deeply wrong. Worse, I don't see any way of going back. Even as I attempt to make a positive -- if small -- impact on the world, I can think only of the futility of such efforts. There must be a tiny thread of hope left in me, or else I don't think I would bother w/my individual efforts, but perhaps that is just a fatalistic vanity or outright desperation. Either way, it's not good.
On a tangentially related note, I read an interesting article in the first Nov. issue of The Economist abt. new research that indicates early humans developed white scleras (as opposed to the dark ones of other primates) as a result of and to further facilitate their natural tendency toward cooperation and communication. The ability to determine what another human-ish primate was looking at allowed better coordination of hunting parties and probably contributed to the development of higher-level thinking (e.g., planning, organizing, empathy, etc.). This, in turn, gave early man an edge over its competitors, allowing our ancestors to best their less socially-minded peers. Sad, then, that modern man fails miserably at both communicating and cooperating. Could this maladaptive development be a harbinger of thgs. to come?
Could this entry be a little more doom-and-gloomy?
A couple of wks. ago, I had the singularly unpleasant experience of watching a lovely children's movie and, for the first time, crying upon its happy conclusion. The rather-too-loveable main character survived his perilous journey, he got the girl, and he managed to unite all of humanity behind his noble cause. This last bit is what precipitated the lacrimosal leakage. I cried while watching a happy ending b/c I knew as I saw the images of the fictional media coverage, public outcry, and concerted efforts of world leaders to solve the problem that this would never, EVER happen in real life. I think what really made me lose it was the footage of the U.N. passing a resolution and then implementing it successfully, sans political infighting, corporate interference, or plain ol' logistical bungling.
Thanks to my education and, uh, my ability to read the daily world news, I am well acquanited with the difficulty the U.N. has in gaining consensus of any kind, coupled with its near-impotence in terms of execution. I'm not trying to bash the U.N. here. I respect its stated mission, I believe the potential for greatness exists, and I firmly support many of its recent initiatives. I also, however, recognize that its mission is often neglected or manipulated, its potential is as yet unmet, and its recent initiatives remain unknown to average citizen of the world. Further, my own life experience makes it impossible for me to believe that even smthg. as notable as a tap-dancing penguin would be sufficient to spur the world toward making a sweeping, positive change such as the one in this movie. I just don't think human beings have enough humanity in them to 'do the right thg.', to set aside personal interests and politics and band together to make a much-needed reform.
I have long been a cynic, but my inability muster even the innocence needed to watch a simple movie and enjoy its simple, happy ending for what it is is deeply wrong. Worse, I don't see any way of going back. Even as I attempt to make a positive -- if small -- impact on the world, I can think only of the futility of such efforts. There must be a tiny thread of hope left in me, or else I don't think I would bother w/my individual efforts, but perhaps that is just a fatalistic vanity or outright desperation. Either way, it's not good.
On a tangentially related note, I read an interesting article in the first Nov. issue of The Economist abt. new research that indicates early humans developed white scleras (as opposed to the dark ones of other primates) as a result of and to further facilitate their natural tendency toward cooperation and communication. The ability to determine what another human-ish primate was looking at allowed better coordination of hunting parties and probably contributed to the development of higher-level thinking (e.g., planning, organizing, empathy, etc.). This, in turn, gave early man an edge over its competitors, allowing our ancestors to best their less socially-minded peers. Sad, then, that modern man fails miserably at both communicating and cooperating. Could this maladaptive development be a harbinger of thgs. to come?
Could this entry be a little more doom-and-gloomy?
12 December 2006
Just when you thought Texas couldn't get any dumber
(NB: The header is a link to an article -- I got fancy!)
It's times like these that I am reminded of the barely stifled sighs I received fr. foreign Customs officials upon handing them my U.S. passport and I completely understand where they're coming from. I feel compelled to stress that Texas is barely part of the Union (though it often thinks it is the only state in the Union), and it is NOT -- I repeat, NOT -- part of the South (though it pretends otherwise). Texas is like a foreign object our nation foolishly ingested in its youth, not unlike a toddler swallowing a penny. It's not the best idea, it can sometimes cause abdominal pain, but usually you don't pay it much mind. The only thg. worth mentioning that has come out of TX is "Dallas," as in the television show, not the city. Oh, that womanizing, manipulative, deceitful J.R...What a hoot. Oh, and my favorite line fr. the above article must be, '"This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that's great," [Representative] Kuempel said'. Yeah, it sure is fun when even blind ppl. can legally shoot at stuff, too.
On a cheerier note, I received the following poem fr. my DASKF (Dear And Special Kiwi Friend) Stuart:
Jules, Jules, the mighty Jules
Everyone knows she rules*
Potato soup or just on walks
I miss our friendly talks
Aw, Stuart -- making me laugh even when he's in a completely different hemisphere. Feel free to submit your own (brief) odes, though I daresay no one is going to be able to capture my awesomeness quite so effectively as Stuart.
It's times like these that I am reminded of the barely stifled sighs I received fr. foreign Customs officials upon handing them my U.S. passport and I completely understand where they're coming from. I feel compelled to stress that Texas is barely part of the Union (though it often thinks it is the only state in the Union), and it is NOT -- I repeat, NOT -- part of the South (though it pretends otherwise). Texas is like a foreign object our nation foolishly ingested in its youth, not unlike a toddler swallowing a penny. It's not the best idea, it can sometimes cause abdominal pain, but usually you don't pay it much mind. The only thg. worth mentioning that has come out of TX is "Dallas," as in the television show, not the city. Oh, that womanizing, manipulative, deceitful J.R...What a hoot. Oh, and my favorite line fr. the above article must be, '"This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that's great," [Representative] Kuempel said'. Yeah, it sure is fun when even blind ppl. can legally shoot at stuff, too.
On a cheerier note, I received the following poem fr. my DASKF (Dear And Special Kiwi Friend) Stuart:
Jules, Jules, the mighty Jules
Everyone knows she rules*
Potato soup or just on walks
I miss our friendly talks
Aw, Stuart -- making me laugh even when he's in a completely different hemisphere. Feel free to submit your own (brief) odes, though I daresay no one is going to be able to capture my awesomeness quite so effectively as Stuart.
*emphasis added by the editor (and rightfully so!)
22 November 2006
"What the...?"
So said most of the greater Charleston area during yesterday's commute when we all realized that the really thick, opaque "rain" falling was in fact snow, the earliest snowfall in Charleston's recorded history. I, being familiar w/this phenomenon and a rather impatient person, though to myself, "Huh. Well, I'll be damned, " and went along my slightly-over-the-speed-limit way. Or at least I tried to.
There exists a stereotype that Southerners are simply unable to drive in the snow. Like most stereotypes, this one exists for a reason; most ppl. fr. South of D.C. either barracade themselves in their homes at the sight of the first flake, or they brave the roads, which leads to one of two outcomes: 1) they end up in a ditch, or 2) they crawl along at the speed of 2, terrified that they will end up in a ditch and wholly unconcerned w/the fact that there are other ppl. on the road who would like to reach their destinations before Christ comes back. There were plenty of ppl. who took the first approach, opting to batton down the hatches rather than go outside, which meant that my formerly busy morning work schedule disintegrated rapidly. And good thg. it did, b/c of those who were on the road yesterday, more than a few fell into Southern Snow Drivers Category 2 (They Who Are Super Slow), causing my drive to work to be even more irritating and protracted than usual.
This irksome over-representation is probably explained by the fact that since the snow was not actually accumulating anywhere yesterday, there was little risk of ditch diving -- thereby eliminating a number of ppl. belonging to Southern Snow Drivers Category 1 -- but I guess no one else on the road got that message b/c as more ppl. started to realize that it was snow, not rain, falling on their windshield, traffic slowed exponentially. On a road whose speed limit is 55 m.p.h., I could not find anyone going faster than 35. It was as if they were all trying to stop and stare at the snow while still technically operating a vehicle.
I love the South. No, really, I do. I love the hot weather, I love the fried everythg., I love the iced sweet tea. I just don't love Southern Snow Drivers, particularly those of the Category 2 persuasion. At least the Category 1 guys end up off the road and out of my way. Yes, that's right, I am saying I would prefer someone to be in a ditch than to have him or her impeding my automotive progress. Yes, of course I'm going to Hell, which in my case will be cold rather than hot and will probably involve a perpetual commute in snowy conditions w/only the worst of the Category 2 types around me.
Until that time, though, I can pray that there will be no more snow this yr. while I sit back and enjoy my Thanksgiving feast of green bean casserole w/fried onion topping, mashed potatoes w/a whole stick of real butter in them, sweet potatoes w/fried marshmallow topping, collard greens, and biscuits w/a butter glaze. For the meat eaters in my group, there will be a turkey, deep fried in peanut oil, as is the delicious Southern way. Happy Thanksgiving, all you A-murr-icans -- esp. those of you fr. the South who stay home when it snows.
There exists a stereotype that Southerners are simply unable to drive in the snow. Like most stereotypes, this one exists for a reason; most ppl. fr. South of D.C. either barracade themselves in their homes at the sight of the first flake, or they brave the roads, which leads to one of two outcomes: 1) they end up in a ditch, or 2) they crawl along at the speed of 2, terrified that they will end up in a ditch and wholly unconcerned w/the fact that there are other ppl. on the road who would like to reach their destinations before Christ comes back. There were plenty of ppl. who took the first approach, opting to batton down the hatches rather than go outside, which meant that my formerly busy morning work schedule disintegrated rapidly. And good thg. it did, b/c of those who were on the road yesterday, more than a few fell into Southern Snow Drivers Category 2 (They Who Are Super Slow), causing my drive to work to be even more irritating and protracted than usual.
This irksome over-representation is probably explained by the fact that since the snow was not actually accumulating anywhere yesterday, there was little risk of ditch diving -- thereby eliminating a number of ppl. belonging to Southern Snow Drivers Category 1 -- but I guess no one else on the road got that message b/c as more ppl. started to realize that it was snow, not rain, falling on their windshield, traffic slowed exponentially. On a road whose speed limit is 55 m.p.h., I could not find anyone going faster than 35. It was as if they were all trying to stop and stare at the snow while still technically operating a vehicle.
I love the South. No, really, I do. I love the hot weather, I love the fried everythg., I love the iced sweet tea. I just don't love Southern Snow Drivers, particularly those of the Category 2 persuasion. At least the Category 1 guys end up off the road and out of my way. Yes, that's right, I am saying I would prefer someone to be in a ditch than to have him or her impeding my automotive progress. Yes, of course I'm going to Hell, which in my case will be cold rather than hot and will probably involve a perpetual commute in snowy conditions w/only the worst of the Category 2 types around me.
Until that time, though, I can pray that there will be no more snow this yr. while I sit back and enjoy my Thanksgiving feast of green bean casserole w/fried onion topping, mashed potatoes w/a whole stick of real butter in them, sweet potatoes w/fried marshmallow topping, collard greens, and biscuits w/a butter glaze. For the meat eaters in my group, there will be a turkey, deep fried in peanut oil, as is the delicious Southern way. Happy Thanksgiving, all you A-murr-icans -- esp. those of you fr. the South who stay home when it snows.
01 November 2006
Kerry was right.
Or at least he was more right than all of the ppl. saying he was wrong.
If you live in North America and you have turned on your television or had access to any sort of news outlet in the last 24 hrs., you have undoubtedly heard abt. Sen. Kerry's recent gaffe. After all, it is the only thg. happening in the world right now, or so it would seem if one were to judge by the incessant media coverage. In case you have had the good fortune not to be subjected to this vapid onslaught, the general idea is that yesterday during a campaign rally for a California gubernatorial candidate, Kerry was giving a speech during which he made several snide remarks regarding Pres. Bush. None of them were v. funny, though they were apparently meant to be, but the one that got the attention of everyone is a joke that Kerry says he delivered incorrectly. Instead of saying, "Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush, " he said, "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
The humor of the original version is unsophisticated at best, but it would have been less inflammatory. As one would expect, Republican pundits and media outlets of all political leanings immediately latched on to the remark, presenting it as an egregious affront to those serving in the armed forces and portraying Kerry -- a decorated veteran, remember -- as anti-military and erego anti-American.
Was Kerry wrong to make such a statement in public, at an event likely to be videotaped and attended by ppl. waiting for him to make such a blunder? Of course. Does Kerry have the charisma and humor of a vegetable and less common sense than an inbred chihuahua? So it would seem. But was he wrong in his (mis)statement that poor grades and unremarkable school performance leave you w/few career options beyond the military? Not really, no.
What I find so baffling abt. this whole "controversy" is the fact that in no way is it considered news that the military is staffed largely by ppl. w/undistinguised academic records, low socioeconomic status, and few occupational alternatives. Of course there are exceptions to this generalization. But by and large, the US military is not exactly the best and brightest. That does not mean that I don't respect (most of) our soldiers and the job they do -- I am married to one, for Pete's sake -- but I'm not going to disregard decades worth of statistics and reports that clearly demonstrate the military is at best a place where ppl. who lack the requisite cognitive skills to get a good job in the civilian world can make a decent living, and at worst it is an instrument of social oppression, courting and catering to the economically, socially, and, yes, intellectually disadvantaged of our nation, while doing little to actually improve their standing or well-being. In fact, during the Vietnam War, the US military lowered the basic intelligence requirement necessary for a person to become a soldier to a level that is frightening on so many levels (e.g, do you really want a person w/an IQ of 75 carrying an automatic weapon?, or is our government really so willing to exploit these ppl., even w/the copious amts. of research showing such ppl. are at greater risk for death, injury, and psychological trauma?), and these diminished standards persist in today's military, particularly in the Army and the Marines, both of whom have accepted people w/Armed Forces Qualifying Test (AFQT) scores as low as 26 in recent mos. in an effort to make up for recruiting shortfalls. The AFQT is a variation of your standard IQ test, scored on a 100 point scale. So 26 is pretty dang low. It is so low, actually, that Congress placed severe limitations on the number of ppl. who could legally be recruited fr. that population, but there is little oversight or enforcement of those standards, esp. now during such desperate times.
I realize that is an extreme example and certainly not everyone who joins the military will have an AFQT score in the lowest percentile ranking allowed. But it also stands to reason that ppl. at the other extreme -- those who score 90 or above -- are also few in number. Normally, simple statistics would dictate that the everyone else would be somewhat evenly distributed among the remaining intelligence levels, but when examining the intelligence of the miltary population, you must remember one further factor: most smart ppl. self-select out. That is, more ppl. on the higher end of middling intelligence do not join the military in the first place. Why would they when they can go get better jobs in the civilian world that don't carry a substantial risk of death of injury? You therefore end up w/a skewed version of the bell curve and that skew tends definitively toward the low end of thgs. in terms of brain power.
Sadly, the US military today is a catchment for ppl. who are too poor, too stupid, or too lazy to succeed in the civilian world (though there are plenty of stupid ppl. out there, too, to be sure) and there is every indication that those in power know this and use it to their advantage. I honestly thought everyone knew this already -- it has come up in conversation numerous times in my life w/ppl. of all different backgrounds, inc. many who are currently serving in the military -- which is why I have been so puzzled as to why the media started foaming at the mouth as soon as Kerry stuttered out his not-funny-to-begin-with joke. Due to Gary's obsession w/cable news networks, I have had the distinct displeasure of hearing/watching every story on every station related to this happening. They all have one thg in common, other than being exceedingly annoying, and that is that they have completely disregarded the actual truth (i.e., the military is actually not known for its intelligence) in favor of sensationalism and rabble-rousing.
The media has misrepresented facts, taken thgs. so far out of context that they are almost unrecognizable, and, worse, have missed an opportunity to address a REAL issue here. The media has focused on John Kerry's unfortunate, moronic bumbling of a bad joke and have spent the last 24 hrs. "beating him like a baby seal", in the words of Gary. They have limited the scope of this story to that one man and have completely missed the chance to bring a more substantial problem to the fore. Rather than asking how the military is allowed to recruit ppl. who 30 yrs. ago would not have been deemed smart enough to attend public school, or asking why after so many yrs. the military is still staffed predominately by ppl. of low socioeconomic background, or discussing the potential connection between lowered military efficacy and lowered cognitive enlistment standards, rather than doing any of these potentially worthwhile and certainly more newsworthy thgs., the media has instead spent an entire day calling John Kerry an idiot.
Idiot though he may be, and although he said his statement was a mistake, John Kerry was right -- "education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq," or working for the media where it seems that neither a brain nor scruples are required.
If you live in North America and you have turned on your television or had access to any sort of news outlet in the last 24 hrs., you have undoubtedly heard abt. Sen. Kerry's recent gaffe. After all, it is the only thg. happening in the world right now, or so it would seem if one were to judge by the incessant media coverage. In case you have had the good fortune not to be subjected to this vapid onslaught, the general idea is that yesterday during a campaign rally for a California gubernatorial candidate, Kerry was giving a speech during which he made several snide remarks regarding Pres. Bush. None of them were v. funny, though they were apparently meant to be, but the one that got the attention of everyone is a joke that Kerry says he delivered incorrectly. Instead of saying, "Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush, " he said, "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
The humor of the original version is unsophisticated at best, but it would have been less inflammatory. As one would expect, Republican pundits and media outlets of all political leanings immediately latched on to the remark, presenting it as an egregious affront to those serving in the armed forces and portraying Kerry -- a decorated veteran, remember -- as anti-military and erego anti-American.
Was Kerry wrong to make such a statement in public, at an event likely to be videotaped and attended by ppl. waiting for him to make such a blunder? Of course. Does Kerry have the charisma and humor of a vegetable and less common sense than an inbred chihuahua? So it would seem. But was he wrong in his (mis)statement that poor grades and unremarkable school performance leave you w/few career options beyond the military? Not really, no.
What I find so baffling abt. this whole "controversy" is the fact that in no way is it considered news that the military is staffed largely by ppl. w/undistinguised academic records, low socioeconomic status, and few occupational alternatives. Of course there are exceptions to this generalization. But by and large, the US military is not exactly the best and brightest. That does not mean that I don't respect (most of) our soldiers and the job they do -- I am married to one, for Pete's sake -- but I'm not going to disregard decades worth of statistics and reports that clearly demonstrate the military is at best a place where ppl. who lack the requisite cognitive skills to get a good job in the civilian world can make a decent living, and at worst it is an instrument of social oppression, courting and catering to the economically, socially, and, yes, intellectually disadvantaged of our nation, while doing little to actually improve their standing or well-being. In fact, during the Vietnam War, the US military lowered the basic intelligence requirement necessary for a person to become a soldier to a level that is frightening on so many levels (e.g, do you really want a person w/an IQ of 75 carrying an automatic weapon?, or is our government really so willing to exploit these ppl., even w/the copious amts. of research showing such ppl. are at greater risk for death, injury, and psychological trauma?), and these diminished standards persist in today's military, particularly in the Army and the Marines, both of whom have accepted people w/Armed Forces Qualifying Test (AFQT) scores as low as 26 in recent mos. in an effort to make up for recruiting shortfalls. The AFQT is a variation of your standard IQ test, scored on a 100 point scale. So 26 is pretty dang low. It is so low, actually, that Congress placed severe limitations on the number of ppl. who could legally be recruited fr. that population, but there is little oversight or enforcement of those standards, esp. now during such desperate times.
I realize that is an extreme example and certainly not everyone who joins the military will have an AFQT score in the lowest percentile ranking allowed. But it also stands to reason that ppl. at the other extreme -- those who score 90 or above -- are also few in number. Normally, simple statistics would dictate that the everyone else would be somewhat evenly distributed among the remaining intelligence levels, but when examining the intelligence of the miltary population, you must remember one further factor: most smart ppl. self-select out. That is, more ppl. on the higher end of middling intelligence do not join the military in the first place. Why would they when they can go get better jobs in the civilian world that don't carry a substantial risk of death of injury? You therefore end up w/a skewed version of the bell curve and that skew tends definitively toward the low end of thgs. in terms of brain power.
Sadly, the US military today is a catchment for ppl. who are too poor, too stupid, or too lazy to succeed in the civilian world (though there are plenty of stupid ppl. out there, too, to be sure) and there is every indication that those in power know this and use it to their advantage. I honestly thought everyone knew this already -- it has come up in conversation numerous times in my life w/ppl. of all different backgrounds, inc. many who are currently serving in the military -- which is why I have been so puzzled as to why the media started foaming at the mouth as soon as Kerry stuttered out his not-funny-to-begin-with joke. Due to Gary's obsession w/cable news networks, I have had the distinct displeasure of hearing/watching every story on every station related to this happening. They all have one thg in common, other than being exceedingly annoying, and that is that they have completely disregarded the actual truth (i.e., the military is actually not known for its intelligence) in favor of sensationalism and rabble-rousing.
The media has misrepresented facts, taken thgs. so far out of context that they are almost unrecognizable, and, worse, have missed an opportunity to address a REAL issue here. The media has focused on John Kerry's unfortunate, moronic bumbling of a bad joke and have spent the last 24 hrs. "beating him like a baby seal", in the words of Gary. They have limited the scope of this story to that one man and have completely missed the chance to bring a more substantial problem to the fore. Rather than asking how the military is allowed to recruit ppl. who 30 yrs. ago would not have been deemed smart enough to attend public school, or asking why after so many yrs. the military is still staffed predominately by ppl. of low socioeconomic background, or discussing the potential connection between lowered military efficacy and lowered cognitive enlistment standards, rather than doing any of these potentially worthwhile and certainly more newsworthy thgs., the media has instead spent an entire day calling John Kerry an idiot.
Idiot though he may be, and although he said his statement was a mistake, John Kerry was right -- "education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq," or working for the media where it seems that neither a brain nor scruples are required.
20 September 2006
Sherman Alexie
Now. I consider myself a reasonably well-read person and I am always slightly disappointed in myself when I discover what many would consider an unforgiveable hole in my background. Usually, these omissions stem fr. the fact that my sensibilities basically stopped registering literature after the British Regency period. (The fact that I have been in school for most of my life and was therefore required to give up reading for fun for long stretches doesn't help either.) Tonight, however, I was able to patch one of those holes in a thoroughly enjoyable manner.
It all started last wk. when Jill told me a speaker was coming to the College and read the promotional blurb. Intrigued by Mr. Alexie's background (he grew up on an Indian reservation in WA) and by his eclectic professional distinctions (he is an award-winning poet, novelist, screenwriter, and director), I decided to overlook the fact that I had never heard of this person and agreed to attend. When Jill reminded me this morning that he was speaking tonight, I said, "Oh, great, I'll be there!" and then realized I had completely forgotten what the talk was supposed to cover. Later, after having worked a full day for the first time in, um, years, I began to re-evaluate whether or not I really wanted to spend another few hrs. in town to hear a lecture whose topic I could not even remember delivered by a man whose apparent celebrity was entirely under my radar. The vestigial remains of my initial enthusiasm won over, though, and all I can say is...I need to adjust my radar.
The body of Mr. Alexie's "lecture" lasted just about an hr. and could be divided as follows:
80% hilarious -- as in laughing-at-a-volume-inappropriate-for-public-places funny for most of the lecture.
15% controversial -- one guy (who obviously missed the subtleties of Mr. Alexie's presentation style) tried to start a genuine argument w/him during the Q&A session after the lecture. Then I started mocking him fr. my seat directly behind his head and Mr. Alexie demonstrated that he did, indeed, have the citations to back up his assertions and the guy gave up. Now that's teamwork.
4% angry -- and rightfully so. Plus, he is an equal-opportunity critic, taking aim at left-wing extremists, right-wing extremists, vegans, and pretty much anyone else who doesn't make sense.
1% vulgar -- I can honestly say I've never been asked to repeat the word "fuckhead" by a College-sponsored speaker. And you know I did.
-------------------------------------------------
It all started last wk. when Jill told me a speaker was coming to the College and read the promotional blurb. Intrigued by Mr. Alexie's background (he grew up on an Indian reservation in WA) and by his eclectic professional distinctions (he is an award-winning poet, novelist, screenwriter, and director), I decided to overlook the fact that I had never heard of this person and agreed to attend. When Jill reminded me this morning that he was speaking tonight, I said, "Oh, great, I'll be there!" and then realized I had completely forgotten what the talk was supposed to cover. Later, after having worked a full day for the first time in, um, years, I began to re-evaluate whether or not I really wanted to spend another few hrs. in town to hear a lecture whose topic I could not even remember delivered by a man whose apparent celebrity was entirely under my radar. The vestigial remains of my initial enthusiasm won over, though, and all I can say is...I need to adjust my radar.
The body of Mr. Alexie's "lecture" lasted just about an hr. and could be divided as follows:
80% hilarious -- as in laughing-at-a-volume-inappropriate-for-public-places funny for most of the lecture.
15% controversial -- one guy (who obviously missed the subtleties of Mr. Alexie's presentation style) tried to start a genuine argument w/him during the Q&A session after the lecture. Then I started mocking him fr. my seat directly behind his head and Mr. Alexie demonstrated that he did, indeed, have the citations to back up his assertions and the guy gave up. Now that's teamwork.
4% angry -- and rightfully so. Plus, he is an equal-opportunity critic, taking aim at left-wing extremists, right-wing extremists, vegans, and pretty much anyone else who doesn't make sense.
1% vulgar -- I can honestly say I've never been asked to repeat the word "fuckhead" by a College-sponsored speaker. And you know I did.
-------------------------------------------------
= 100% masterfully, insidiously thought-provoking. I've never witnessed someone so effectively couch a serious commentary on human behavior, perceptions, and attitudes in what many would -- and did -- register as merely a stand-up comedy routine. It was astonishing, really.
Also, he is quite affable and allowed me to chit chat and be my usual jack-ass self w/him at the reception following his lecture, which is always a plus. I recently heard that David Sedaris -- whom I adore and to whom I would perhaps liken Mr. Alexie in that they both use humor to address more serious issues -- is horrible in person and just stands reading fr. his books and seemed rather less approachable. So the fact that you can actually talk to him like a normal human being (or like me) is one more, entirely superfluous reason you should go check out Alexie's work. He recommended his collection of stories, "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fisfighting in Heaven," to Jill, which I found somehow refreshing. Perhaps b/c I am persistently plagued by my own inability to believe that anythg. I produce would really be worth someone else's time (this blog notwithstanding) and b/c so many artists of various stripes seem to share my disability, I found it impressive that he was able to say that he genuinely liked one of his (numerous) works. It often seems that it is hardest for us to find smthg. w/in ourselves worthy of praise and I suppose it was reassuring to see that in someone else.
Well, I think that is more than enough gushing for one evening. Check out his website: http://www.fallsapart.com/index.html , read his work, and see if my accolades are unwarranted.
"I was sitting at this stoplight at 3am b/c I couldn't sleep again, thinking abt. how depressed I was and how I hated myself, thinking to myself, 'Other ppl. seem to like you, why don't you?'" -- Sherman Alexie's lead-up to a story that was an absolute hoot, if you can imagine insomnia, a late-night car accident, and racial tensions being presented in an impossibly funny way. My paraphrase is not v. funny, but it apparently struck a chord in me, since that is the line I most clearly remember, aside fr. the oath he made us all, as an audience, swear that went smthg. along the lines of, "I solemnly swear that if I am on a plane being hijacked by a boxuctter-wielding terrorist, I will reach for the nearest laptop computer, hurl it like a frisbee at his head, and decpitate that fuckhead fundamentalist." heh.
Also, he is quite affable and allowed me to chit chat and be my usual jack-ass self w/him at the reception following his lecture, which is always a plus. I recently heard that David Sedaris -- whom I adore and to whom I would perhaps liken Mr. Alexie in that they both use humor to address more serious issues -- is horrible in person and just stands reading fr. his books and seemed rather less approachable. So the fact that you can actually talk to him like a normal human being (or like me) is one more, entirely superfluous reason you should go check out Alexie's work. He recommended his collection of stories, "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fisfighting in Heaven," to Jill, which I found somehow refreshing. Perhaps b/c I am persistently plagued by my own inability to believe that anythg. I produce would really be worth someone else's time (this blog notwithstanding) and b/c so many artists of various stripes seem to share my disability, I found it impressive that he was able to say that he genuinely liked one of his (numerous) works. It often seems that it is hardest for us to find smthg. w/in ourselves worthy of praise and I suppose it was reassuring to see that in someone else.
Well, I think that is more than enough gushing for one evening. Check out his website: http://www.fallsapart.com/index.html , read his work, and see if my accolades are unwarranted.
"I was sitting at this stoplight at 3am b/c I couldn't sleep again, thinking abt. how depressed I was and how I hated myself, thinking to myself, 'Other ppl. seem to like you, why don't you?'" -- Sherman Alexie's lead-up to a story that was an absolute hoot, if you can imagine insomnia, a late-night car accident, and racial tensions being presented in an impossibly funny way. My paraphrase is not v. funny, but it apparently struck a chord in me, since that is the line I most clearly remember, aside fr. the oath he made us all, as an audience, swear that went smthg. along the lines of, "I solemnly swear that if I am on a plane being hijacked by a boxuctter-wielding terrorist, I will reach for the nearest laptop computer, hurl it like a frisbee at his head, and decpitate that fuckhead fundamentalist." heh.
31 August 2006
This is unacceptable.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/25/AR2006082501298.html?referrer=email
This link might not function since you're supposed to have a (free) subscription to the Washington Post to read the article, but you should try to find out abt. this incident some other way if this doesn't work. As you probably know, hundreds of thousands of Lebanese civilians have been returning to what is left of their homes following the cease fire agreement b/t Israel and Hezbollah. As you may or may not know, these same innocent civilians continue to fear for their lives and to daily be in harm's way due to the presence of mines and other unexploded ordnance left behind after the conflict. (And yes, I mean innocent civilians -- women, children, Christians, and other ppl. who are most definitely not part of the Hezbollah militia.) Although many mines are left fr. the days of Israeli occupation during and following Lebanon's civil war and were planted by both Israel and Hezbollah, the greatest danger today comes from unexploded ordnance lobbed at residential areas by the Israelis in this most recent conflict.
Targeting civilian areas is a clear violation of international law, to say nothg. of simple decency. And for those of you who want to come back w/that tired old "terrorists target civilians, too" argument, don't bother -- you will never convince me that it is somehow okay to use the v. tactics we decry simply b/c the opposing side resorts to such barbarity. So save your breath/carpal tunnels and my blood pressure. Perhaps worst of all, however, is that it is now apparent that Israel launched cluster bombs -- to me, the most reprehensible weapon in the modern arsenal, next to nuclear weapons -- into neighborhoods, markets, and other non-combatant areas, leaving behind countless numbers of unexploded "bomblets", the small but powerful spawn of the larger explosive projectile. Literally thousands of civilians in Iraq have been injured or killed by these tiny vessels of violence (courtesy of the U.S. miltary) and now the same pattern is emerging in Lebanon as unwitting civilians encounter the bobmlets as they try to clear the rubble of what was their lives in order to rebuild. Most tragically, however, is that children seem to be the most frequent victims of this particular device. Since kids are stupid, er, "innocent", they often mistake the bomblet for a ball, turning what should be a game of catch -- a reprieve fr. the destruction and loss around these children -- into a nightmare, as happened in the article I linked above. Normally I would say smthg. abt. how parents should keep an eye on their kids, but these parents are a little distracted by the whole there's-a-bulldozer-where-my-house-should-be situation, so I'm inclined to go a little easier on them than usual. The ppl. who should really be held responsible are the Israelis, who knowingly assaulted areas that should have been off-limits w/the artillery equivalent of herpes (it's the gift that keeps on giving!).
Oh, in case this wasn't disgusting enough, at least three varieties of the cluster bombs used by the Israelis are Made in the USA.
Since I'm fairly new to this whole having a heart position, I don't have many suggestions for what can be done by each of us individually, but it can only help to spread awareness of these egregious acts, so that's what I'm doing. See Jennifer, my favorite Canadienne, for better-informed advice.
25 August 2006
Three strikes and you're out...of the gene pool
Oh, I wish.
Last night I accompanied Eli to wing night, which takes place every Wed. at the local Buffalo's (a mediocre, ostensibly Tex-Mex restaurant that also serves a variety of chicken wings). I used to go ea. wk. to these gatherings, but I quickly realized I dislike most of the ppl. there -- inc. those in our group -- and I hate the food even more, so I have significantly reduced my appearances. Fr. what I hear, the wings are quite good, but that does me no good. Everythg. I have sampled tastes like what I imagine would be the flavor of particle board with a texture to match. Point is, wing night holds few attractions for me and I have repeatedly failed to convince the few ppl. I do like who attend the wkly. ritual to change it to Mexican night.
And in case I needed that little extra push to convince me never again to return, I saw a woman last night who is a) a prime example of the sort of person who frequents this establishment, and b) also a prime example of the trash holes that populate this town. Observe:
Last night I accompanied Eli to wing night, which takes place every Wed. at the local Buffalo's (a mediocre, ostensibly Tex-Mex restaurant that also serves a variety of chicken wings). I used to go ea. wk. to these gatherings, but I quickly realized I dislike most of the ppl. there -- inc. those in our group -- and I hate the food even more, so I have significantly reduced my appearances. Fr. what I hear, the wings are quite good, but that does me no good. Everythg. I have sampled tastes like what I imagine would be the flavor of particle board with a texture to match. Point is, wing night holds few attractions for me and I have repeatedly failed to convince the few ppl. I do like who attend the wkly. ritual to change it to Mexican night.
And in case I needed that little extra push to convince me never again to return, I saw a woman last night who is a) a prime example of the sort of person who frequents this establishment, and b) also a prime example of the trash holes that populate this town. Observe:
1) When we pulled into the parking lot, I saw an unusually well-dressed pregnant woman (the phrase "barefoot and pregnant" originated in this region for a reason) walking toward the door and was slightly encouraged. I was quickly reminded that all hope is futile in this place when I passed said Pregnant woman Smoking w/a bunch of hillbillies just outside the entrance.
2) I was further unimpressed when it was brought to my attn. that this woman was attending a poker tournament being held in the restaurant, with her toddler in tow. I have nothing against responsible adults playing some poker if it strikes their fancy (I AM friends w/Eamonn, Chris, and Joe, for Heaven's sake), but I DO have a problem w/ppl. taking their small, developing children to an environment conducive to vulgarity, excess, and sometimes violence.
3) The superfluous icing on the cake was when the woman allowed her child to toddle about the restaurant unattended while mommy dearest picked at the leftovers that had not yet been cleared fr. a table in our section of the restaurant. It is important to note that the poker area was separate fr. our area, which means that she likely did not even know the ppl. who so generously provided her snack. Before I could fully appreciate her commitment to helping end American dietary wastefulness, I noticed her young child pick smthg. up fr. the floor. The child clenched it in her fist for a few moments, waiting for her mother to come admire her treasure. Now, I do not have kids and I certainly do not profess to be a child-rearing expert, but I know a few of the basics. Like, for example, don't let your kids eat shit off the floor, esp. in a public place. This lady -- and I use that term V. loosely -- examined the contents of her young one's outstretched palm and said, "That's candy. You put it in your mouth."
Oh, madam, if only YOU had simply put it in your mouth rather than following through with the whole procreationary act. Twice (that I know of).
Also, I had a FANTASTIC trip to Oregon to see Brianna and I will be posting pics and captions next wk. when Eli and I get back fr. Charleston. Highlights include: big trees, a crazy dog, and raccoon patty-cake. Yes, that's right.
And since I am abt. six yrs. behind in reading everyone else's blog due to the untimely death of my harddrive in June, I only just discovered this little gem on Daniel's blog: a website that generates your surprisingly comical obituary! Using my nickname, I got, "Evilly skulking around the neighborhood, jules died laughing hysterically. Jules will be terribly missed by the Lollypop Kids." This seems spot on to me, what with the reference to my evil-ness, my tendency to wander absently, my frequent laughter, AND my diminutive stature. The one that used my full name reminds me of how Brianna used to say I would end up like Blanche on Golden Girls when we got old (and it also references my evil-ness!). heh.
 |
| 'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
29 June 2006
Lighter News
This isn't totally bizarre, given the Japanese people's reputation as Ameriphiles when it comes to thgs. related to fashion, celebrities, and music, but it made me chuckle nonetheless:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5038686.stm
I esp. enjoyed his personally selected collection of Elvis hits that sold millions of copies over there. Judging by the pictures, it seems that Mr. Koizumi is channeling a bit of Elvis via his v. un-politician-like hair. Now if he would only flop it over w/a side part and use a bit of pomade...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5038686.stm
I esp. enjoyed his personally selected collection of Elvis hits that sold millions of copies over there. Judging by the pictures, it seems that Mr. Koizumi is channeling a bit of Elvis via his v. un-politician-like hair. Now if he would only flop it over w/a side part and use a bit of pomade...
28 June 2006
Israel and the Bush Administration: Tied for First
Well, they would be tied for first if there were a contest for WORST FOREIGN POLICY DECISIONS IN RECENT HISTORY.
I don't have time to go into a full-blown rant, as the wonders of Organic Chem await me before I turn in for the night, but I would like to address two thgs.:
1) Approximately 30 mins. ago, Israel allegedly entered Northern Gaza (addendum: in fact, they have massed troops on the border, but have not yet actually entered). This incursion compounds their recent insertion of troops into Southern Gaza, their numerous air assaults on the area over the past few weeks (which have done little more than miss the intended targets and kill innocent women and children), and their unequivocally aggressive rhetoric. Further, they have "arrested" several leading Palestinian politicians and are openly discussing assassinations (though not of the figures currently in their custody -- at least not yet)
I never thought I would see the day where I was defending Palestine beyond the perfunctory well-there-are-two-sides-to-every-story, but recent events and actions taken by Israel against the Palestinian territory have made it nearly impossible for me to do otherwise. I recognize that Palestinian militants, both with and without the support of their government, have fired rockets and mortars at their Israeli neighbors, as well as dispatched suicide bombers in crowded, public areas. I recognize that a Hamas-led government represents a serious concern for Israeli national security, and the fact that it was democratically elected by the Palestinian ppl. only makes it more so. I recognize that Israel and Palestine continue to be engaged in a decades-long struggle, and that such protracted conflict breeds paranoia, aggression, and offensive defense.
But, really.
Israel's actions of late, coupled now w/what is looking increasingly like a prelude to open warfare, are baffling in their extremity and perhaps reveal the extent to which the untimely exit of Ariel Sharon has left that country's government somewhat adrift. Fending off rabid conservatives -- including growing numbers of fascist-like nationalists -- the moderate party formed by Sharon and carried on by his successor, Olmert, appears now to be overcompensating for their "liberal" decision to completely withdraw fr. the occupied territories last yr. Israel has a strong tradition of militarism -- rightfully so, some would say, given the history of violence perpetrated against them -- so troop movements, missile strikes, and violent speech are not actually that unusual. However, it is the scale and the pace of this most recent escalation that I find most unnerving, to say nothg. of Israel's wanton disregard for the safety of non-combatants and their apparent willingness to ignore the destabilizing impact their behavior could have on the entire region, not just within their borders. To continue goading the Palestinian government, militias, and ppl. is v. likely to precipitate a wider conflict. I cannot fathom why at this delicate moment in time -- given Iran's nuclear goals, the horrific situation in Iraq and its security implications for the entire Middle East region, and the ever-present latent ill-will harbored against Israel by its neighbors -- I simply cannot understand why Israel would choose to ramp up the violence and the threats.
This is not the time for bravado and machismo. And when GW says he thinks you're handling the situation well, then you should really consider re-thinking your current course of action. (Mr. President and his administration of toadies recently said that they fully support Israel. Well of course they do -- Israel is the only country in the world doing thgs. that are possibly more dangerous and stupid than what we've done in Iraq. One further addendum: State Dept. officials -- inc. Conestoga -- are urging caution and diplomacy, but a spokesman for Pres. Bush yesterday stated that Israel is entitled to defend itself against terrorism, apparently by fanning the flames of a long-burning and dangerous fire.)
2) Don Gagner, a correspondent for National Public Radio w/the White House Press Corps recently accompanied Pres. Bush on his visit to Europe where he met w/the leaders of Britain, France, and other members of the G-8 who will be gathering soon for their annual meeting. Mr. Gagner summarized this warm-up for the big show by saying, "These summits usually reflect whatever crisis is facing the world today, and this yr. that crisis is certainly Iraq."
There is nothg. especially surprising abt. that statement, but there is smthg. exceptionally annoying abt. it. I find it irritating that the time and resources of some of the world's greatest powers are being focused on the "crisis" of Iraq. What abt. the crisis of the AIDS epidemic? What abt. the crisis of the staggering rate of poverty and its attendant maladies throughout the world? What abt. the REAL human rights crisis that is going on in Sudan, or the REAL terrorist threat taking shape in Somalia, where militant Islamists w/confirmed connections to Al Qaeda are gaining ground each day? These last two crises should stand in sharp relief to the fabrications, embellishments, and mishaps related to Iraq over the last three and a half yrs. (Addendum 3: I so win, but in this case, I wish I hadn't. Islamist militants today announced that they have taken total control of Somalia. While this claim is somewhat debateable, it *is* irrefutable that their power is growing and that last wk. they established as their new leader an ultra-conservative sheik believed to have ties to al Qaeda.)
It bugs the absolute piss out of me that the leaders of the "free and enlightened" world are spending so much time, money, and energy on a crisis of their own making. Okay, well, not all of the countries in the E.U. were or are involved in the war in Iraq, but by focusing on this problem to the detriment of issues that are just as -- if not more -- important, even those who are not actively part of the Coalition Forces are lending credence and legitimacy to what is ultimately not a legitimate war. I understand fully and personally the importance of this conflict and its political, economic, and security implications. But what kills my soul is that a war that should never have been started in the first place is now taking precedence over issues that have long deserved more attention than they have received, and that will continue to take a back seat to the wastefulness that is the war in Iraq and the ridiculousness that is the Bush administration and its agenda.
I have some funny stories to share next time I write, but I would probably not have gotten to sleep w/o venting a bit beforehand -- I guess that's what I get for reading the news right before bedtime.
I don't have time to go into a full-blown rant, as the wonders of Organic Chem await me before I turn in for the night, but I would like to address two thgs.:
1) Approximately 30 mins. ago, Israel allegedly entered Northern Gaza (addendum: in fact, they have massed troops on the border, but have not yet actually entered). This incursion compounds their recent insertion of troops into Southern Gaza, their numerous air assaults on the area over the past few weeks (which have done little more than miss the intended targets and kill innocent women and children), and their unequivocally aggressive rhetoric. Further, they have "arrested" several leading Palestinian politicians and are openly discussing assassinations (though not of the figures currently in their custody -- at least not yet)
I never thought I would see the day where I was defending Palestine beyond the perfunctory well-there-are-two-sides-to-every-story, but recent events and actions taken by Israel against the Palestinian territory have made it nearly impossible for me to do otherwise. I recognize that Palestinian militants, both with and without the support of their government, have fired rockets and mortars at their Israeli neighbors, as well as dispatched suicide bombers in crowded, public areas. I recognize that a Hamas-led government represents a serious concern for Israeli national security, and the fact that it was democratically elected by the Palestinian ppl. only makes it more so. I recognize that Israel and Palestine continue to be engaged in a decades-long struggle, and that such protracted conflict breeds paranoia, aggression, and offensive defense.
But, really.
Israel's actions of late, coupled now w/what is looking increasingly like a prelude to open warfare, are baffling in their extremity and perhaps reveal the extent to which the untimely exit of Ariel Sharon has left that country's government somewhat adrift. Fending off rabid conservatives -- including growing numbers of fascist-like nationalists -- the moderate party formed by Sharon and carried on by his successor, Olmert, appears now to be overcompensating for their "liberal" decision to completely withdraw fr. the occupied territories last yr. Israel has a strong tradition of militarism -- rightfully so, some would say, given the history of violence perpetrated against them -- so troop movements, missile strikes, and violent speech are not actually that unusual. However, it is the scale and the pace of this most recent escalation that I find most unnerving, to say nothg. of Israel's wanton disregard for the safety of non-combatants and their apparent willingness to ignore the destabilizing impact their behavior could have on the entire region, not just within their borders. To continue goading the Palestinian government, militias, and ppl. is v. likely to precipitate a wider conflict. I cannot fathom why at this delicate moment in time -- given Iran's nuclear goals, the horrific situation in Iraq and its security implications for the entire Middle East region, and the ever-present latent ill-will harbored against Israel by its neighbors -- I simply cannot understand why Israel would choose to ramp up the violence and the threats.
This is not the time for bravado and machismo. And when GW says he thinks you're handling the situation well, then you should really consider re-thinking your current course of action. (Mr. President and his administration of toadies recently said that they fully support Israel. Well of course they do -- Israel is the only country in the world doing thgs. that are possibly more dangerous and stupid than what we've done in Iraq. One further addendum: State Dept. officials -- inc. Conestoga -- are urging caution and diplomacy, but a spokesman for Pres. Bush yesterday stated that Israel is entitled to defend itself against terrorism, apparently by fanning the flames of a long-burning and dangerous fire.)
2) Don Gagner, a correspondent for National Public Radio w/the White House Press Corps recently accompanied Pres. Bush on his visit to Europe where he met w/the leaders of Britain, France, and other members of the G-8 who will be gathering soon for their annual meeting. Mr. Gagner summarized this warm-up for the big show by saying, "These summits usually reflect whatever crisis is facing the world today, and this yr. that crisis is certainly Iraq."
There is nothg. especially surprising abt. that statement, but there is smthg. exceptionally annoying abt. it. I find it irritating that the time and resources of some of the world's greatest powers are being focused on the "crisis" of Iraq. What abt. the crisis of the AIDS epidemic? What abt. the crisis of the staggering rate of poverty and its attendant maladies throughout the world? What abt. the REAL human rights crisis that is going on in Sudan, or the REAL terrorist threat taking shape in Somalia, where militant Islamists w/confirmed connections to Al Qaeda are gaining ground each day? These last two crises should stand in sharp relief to the fabrications, embellishments, and mishaps related to Iraq over the last three and a half yrs. (Addendum 3: I so win, but in this case, I wish I hadn't. Islamist militants today announced that they have taken total control of Somalia. While this claim is somewhat debateable, it *is* irrefutable that their power is growing and that last wk. they established as their new leader an ultra-conservative sheik believed to have ties to al Qaeda.)
It bugs the absolute piss out of me that the leaders of the "free and enlightened" world are spending so much time, money, and energy on a crisis of their own making. Okay, well, not all of the countries in the E.U. were or are involved in the war in Iraq, but by focusing on this problem to the detriment of issues that are just as -- if not more -- important, even those who are not actively part of the Coalition Forces are lending credence and legitimacy to what is ultimately not a legitimate war. I understand fully and personally the importance of this conflict and its political, economic, and security implications. But what kills my soul is that a war that should never have been started in the first place is now taking precedence over issues that have long deserved more attention than they have received, and that will continue to take a back seat to the wastefulness that is the war in Iraq and the ridiculousness that is the Bush administration and its agenda.
I have some funny stories to share next time I write, but I would probably not have gotten to sleep w/o venting a bit beforehand -- I guess that's what I get for reading the news right before bedtime.
Quote of the Day:
"That crap was so boring." -- Elise, on her high school religion class
10 June 2006
Oh, my holy Jesus.
Listen to the intro theme song and don't even bother trying to correct all of the spelling and grammatical mistakes on her "At A Glance" section.
All I can say is, she's NOT originally fr. Georgia. Neither myself nor other sensible Georgians asked for this woman to move here and expose us all to public ridicule.
Thank you, Angela, for making it even harder to tell ppl. we are fr. the state of GA w/o grimacing.
http://www.angelasos06.com/vote4-angela.htm
Quote of the Day:
Chester, my stepdad, on dually pickup trucks: I don't know why ppl. like those trucks. It's like: "Ew -- look at the huge rear end on that thing!"
All I can say is, she's NOT originally fr. Georgia. Neither myself nor other sensible Georgians asked for this woman to move here and expose us all to public ridicule.
Thank you, Angela, for making it even harder to tell ppl. we are fr. the state of GA w/o grimacing.
http://www.angelasos06.com/vote4-angela.htm
Quote of the Day:
Chester, my stepdad, on dually pickup trucks: I don't know why ppl. like those trucks. It's like: "Ew -- look at the huge rear end on that thing!"
02 June 2006
Laughing so hard...
Quotes of the Week (thus far):
Nan, upon my return fr. lunch w/SDG at the State Department: So, did you see...what's her name -- Conestoga??
(While I did not see her wagonship, Ms. Condoleezza Rice, I am highly amused every time I think on Nan's [purposeful] misnomer.)
Nick, while saute-ing various ingredients for dinner tonight on Susan's gas stove: Huh. Well, I'm surprised that didn't catch on fire.
Hahaha... Lots of funny thgs. happening this wk., but I need to get out of my wet clothes and shower so that I will be awake tomorrow when Susan and Nick show up to make me bkfst. Having an excellent vacation.... And congratulations to my Daddy for passing his NCLEX (R.N. licensing exam) on the first try! Told you he was brilliant.
One further high point: Discovering on Susan's refrigerator a card I sent her more than a yr. ago, the contents of which were quite sentimental and I am glad she has apparently not yet been sickened by them. Also, Nan had every post card I sent her fr. overseas on her refrigerator. It's silly, but these thgs. make me feel special.
Nan, upon my return fr. lunch w/SDG at the State Department: So, did you see...what's her name -- Conestoga??
(While I did not see her wagonship, Ms. Condoleezza Rice, I am highly amused every time I think on Nan's [purposeful] misnomer.)
Nick, while saute-ing various ingredients for dinner tonight on Susan's gas stove: Huh. Well, I'm surprised that didn't catch on fire.
Hahaha... Lots of funny thgs. happening this wk., but I need to get out of my wet clothes and shower so that I will be awake tomorrow when Susan and Nick show up to make me bkfst. Having an excellent vacation.... And congratulations to my Daddy for passing his NCLEX (R.N. licensing exam) on the first try! Told you he was brilliant.
One further high point: Discovering on Susan's refrigerator a card I sent her more than a yr. ago, the contents of which were quite sentimental and I am glad she has apparently not yet been sickened by them. Also, Nan had every post card I sent her fr. overseas on her refrigerator. It's silly, but these thgs. make me feel special.
27 May 2006
11 states in 48 hours: A travelogue in prose
Probably not so exciting as that song by The Nails, "88 Lines About 44 Women" ('Julie came and went so fast/She didn't even say goodbye!'), but my cross-country trip was quite an adventure nonetheless.
The great states of Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, and Colorado as far as Denver (approx. 1700 mi.) were packed into 26 non-stop hrs. Oh, and I forgot to mention that me, Steve, and all of his worldly possessions were packed into a 24-ft. moving truck w/his car being towed behind. When we first fabricated this plan, I considered for only the briefest moment that the truck might just be too big for me to drive, but I quickly discarded that idea in favor of the delusion that I can do anythg. When Steve brought the truck home and proceeded to knock over the mailbox backing it into the driveway, I began to revisit my initial reservations. After all, Steve has driven large trucks before and his backing-up skillz are second to none (though perhaps tied w/Eli's), so if even he couldn't drive the truck w/o incident, I was fairly certain that there was no hope for me. Plus, it was raining. Plus, Steve loves his car more than he loves, well, anythg. else in his life, so if anythg. were to happen while I was driving to damage the car, all I could do was hope that it was an event of enough magnitude to take me out, too. So no pressure.
In the end, I did not actually drive the truck that much (maybe eight hrs. of the entire trip), but I was sufficiently unnerved by the prospect when I first took the wheel that I was instantly able to overcome the bone-crushing fatigue that comes only when one has been awake for nearly 24 hrs. after spending the entire wk. before foregoing sleep in favor of studying for finals. I feel comfortable giving myself the title of best road trip partner ever -- and I'm pretty sure I could get a second and a third on that nomination -- b/c I am one of those ppl. who doesn't like to sleep when the other person is driving b/c I feel like they need as much entertainment as possible, esp. if you're driving overnight and they're tired. Additionally, I can read aloud for a long time w/o losing my voice, I do silly dances and sing at excessive volumes, and can occasionally hold an interesting, protracted conversation. (This is true unless you're Eli. For some reason, I always fall asleep when I'm driving w/poor Eli. Let's be nice and say it's b/c I feel safest w/him.) This is nice of me, but in this case it meant that by the time we reached CO, where I was to spend two nights w/my grandparents and my aunt, I was nearly delirious fr. lack of sleep.
Apparently the two and a half hrs. I had during the drive were not quite enough: Not only was I no more than technically conscious, I made a v. inappropriate joke at the dinner table that still makes me look at the floor when I think of it. I won't repeat it, but let's just say it involved my grandmother's Bible study grp., my granddad, and fellatio. Actually, it would have been quite funny had it not involved my granddad. Yes, there go my eyes sliding downward in embarrassment at the memory. Oh, and before we move away fr. the subject of my granddad, I apparently inherited my naughty side honestly. Ever since Pop-Pop had a stroke a few yrs. ago, it's as if his internal censor has been officially switched off. The man is positively dur-tee, but absolutely hilarious. I encourage anyone w/an interest in skiing, snow, Johnny Cash (Pop-Pop watches "Walk the Line" at least once a week), and/or dirty jokes to come out to CO w/me for Christmas so that you can be part of the hilarity. Need further incentives? My grandmother is a really good cook/interior decorator and my aunt and her husband are really funny, too, albeit in a more wholesome way. Although, they both laughed really hard at my awful joke, so maybe they're not so innocent as I would wish to believe. Anyhow, point is, my family is awesome and I want to share the slightly twisted joy. So come on over for Christmas -- they have a lot of room.
Woke up dark and early two mornings later and drove abt. 4.5 hrs. to the western edge of CO to link back up w/my convoy (our friends Tess and Randy were w/us, too, on their way out to see Tess's family), then drove through Utah and Arizona before arriving nine hrs. (and approx. 760 mi.) later in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, for another two-night interlude. The highlight of this portion of the trip was unquestionably the water-based acrobatic dance show "Le Reve". I won't waste our time attempting to articulate it, but if you ever go to Vegas, it is worth the money. Absolutely stunning. Other events of note included Steven winning $500 at the blackjack table (!!) and some fat guy driving into the giant rental truck (oh, I am so sadly serious) and then having the gall to insist that we ran into him. A good time was had by all, but I really need to go back to Vegas w/Jennifer or Sarah or Ben and Jon (or any combination thereof). My last two visits have taught me that it's really the sort of place I should go w/only certain ppl., ppl. who would get a kick out of spending a few days eating good food, having a few drinks, and watching all of the crazy ppl., but who are also able to recognize the sheer ridiculousness of the whole place and therefore don't buy into what is essentially a superficial denizen of waste. The instant you allow yourself to be impressed by Vegas w/o also realizing that it is quite possibly the worst thg. ever to happen to the human race, it's over.
The final leg of the cross-country extravaganza involved a mere three hrs. fr. Las Vegas to Barstow, CA, where I was met by Marion, the best flatmate ever, and Steve and I parted ways as he continued his journey home. This farewell was pretty much what I thought it would be: abbreviated, light, and unable to do justice to the end of a four-year-long chapter in a relationship that best characterized as inconsistent. In fact, I was left wishing it was possible for me to have somehow ended the trip w/the drive fr. CO to Las Vegas. The 36 hrs. that Steve and I spent in that truck before Vegas were the most enjoyable of the roughly 35,000 hrs. we have known each other, at least in my opinion. We did not bicker. We talked abt. more thgs. than we had covered in the four previous yrs. together. We seemed to have, at the last possible moment, called a truce. It was one of those times where you are all too aware of its limited, finite nature, but you can't help wishing it would never change. You pay more attn. to details like the color of the sky or the shape of the landscape around you or the time when the other person finished your sentence b/c it was the first time he had thought deeply abt. anythg. you have said (even if what you said was smthg. you read fr. someone else's book).
That was where I wanted the trip to end, w/our pre-Vegas drive and a semblance of normalcy and understanding, not in the diesel fuel lot of some gas station where it is impossible to say the thgs. you shouldn't have waited until the last min. to say anyhow, and so you say nothg. at all, nothg. that matters.
The great states of Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, and Colorado as far as Denver (approx. 1700 mi.) were packed into 26 non-stop hrs. Oh, and I forgot to mention that me, Steve, and all of his worldly possessions were packed into a 24-ft. moving truck w/his car being towed behind. When we first fabricated this plan, I considered for only the briefest moment that the truck might just be too big for me to drive, but I quickly discarded that idea in favor of the delusion that I can do anythg. When Steve brought the truck home and proceeded to knock over the mailbox backing it into the driveway, I began to revisit my initial reservations. After all, Steve has driven large trucks before and his backing-up skillz are second to none (though perhaps tied w/Eli's), so if even he couldn't drive the truck w/o incident, I was fairly certain that there was no hope for me. Plus, it was raining. Plus, Steve loves his car more than he loves, well, anythg. else in his life, so if anythg. were to happen while I was driving to damage the car, all I could do was hope that it was an event of enough magnitude to take me out, too. So no pressure.
In the end, I did not actually drive the truck that much (maybe eight hrs. of the entire trip), but I was sufficiently unnerved by the prospect when I first took the wheel that I was instantly able to overcome the bone-crushing fatigue that comes only when one has been awake for nearly 24 hrs. after spending the entire wk. before foregoing sleep in favor of studying for finals. I feel comfortable giving myself the title of best road trip partner ever -- and I'm pretty sure I could get a second and a third on that nomination -- b/c I am one of those ppl. who doesn't like to sleep when the other person is driving b/c I feel like they need as much entertainment as possible, esp. if you're driving overnight and they're tired. Additionally, I can read aloud for a long time w/o losing my voice, I do silly dances and sing at excessive volumes, and can occasionally hold an interesting, protracted conversation. (This is true unless you're Eli. For some reason, I always fall asleep when I'm driving w/poor Eli. Let's be nice and say it's b/c I feel safest w/him.) This is nice of me, but in this case it meant that by the time we reached CO, where I was to spend two nights w/my grandparents and my aunt, I was nearly delirious fr. lack of sleep.
Apparently the two and a half hrs. I had during the drive were not quite enough: Not only was I no more than technically conscious, I made a v. inappropriate joke at the dinner table that still makes me look at the floor when I think of it. I won't repeat it, but let's just say it involved my grandmother's Bible study grp., my granddad, and fellatio. Actually, it would have been quite funny had it not involved my granddad. Yes, there go my eyes sliding downward in embarrassment at the memory. Oh, and before we move away fr. the subject of my granddad, I apparently inherited my naughty side honestly. Ever since Pop-Pop had a stroke a few yrs. ago, it's as if his internal censor has been officially switched off. The man is positively dur-tee, but absolutely hilarious. I encourage anyone w/an interest in skiing, snow, Johnny Cash (Pop-Pop watches "Walk the Line" at least once a week), and/or dirty jokes to come out to CO w/me for Christmas so that you can be part of the hilarity. Need further incentives? My grandmother is a really good cook/interior decorator and my aunt and her husband are really funny, too, albeit in a more wholesome way. Although, they both laughed really hard at my awful joke, so maybe they're not so innocent as I would wish to believe. Anyhow, point is, my family is awesome and I want to share the slightly twisted joy. So come on over for Christmas -- they have a lot of room.
Woke up dark and early two mornings later and drove abt. 4.5 hrs. to the western edge of CO to link back up w/my convoy (our friends Tess and Randy were w/us, too, on their way out to see Tess's family), then drove through Utah and Arizona before arriving nine hrs. (and approx. 760 mi.) later in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, for another two-night interlude. The highlight of this portion of the trip was unquestionably the water-based acrobatic dance show "Le Reve". I won't waste our time attempting to articulate it, but if you ever go to Vegas, it is worth the money. Absolutely stunning. Other events of note included Steven winning $500 at the blackjack table (!!) and some fat guy driving into the giant rental truck (oh, I am so sadly serious) and then having the gall to insist that we ran into him. A good time was had by all, but I really need to go back to Vegas w/Jennifer or Sarah or Ben and Jon (or any combination thereof). My last two visits have taught me that it's really the sort of place I should go w/only certain ppl., ppl. who would get a kick out of spending a few days eating good food, having a few drinks, and watching all of the crazy ppl., but who are also able to recognize the sheer ridiculousness of the whole place and therefore don't buy into what is essentially a superficial denizen of waste. The instant you allow yourself to be impressed by Vegas w/o also realizing that it is quite possibly the worst thg. ever to happen to the human race, it's over.
The final leg of the cross-country extravaganza involved a mere three hrs. fr. Las Vegas to Barstow, CA, where I was met by Marion, the best flatmate ever, and Steve and I parted ways as he continued his journey home. This farewell was pretty much what I thought it would be: abbreviated, light, and unable to do justice to the end of a four-year-long chapter in a relationship that best characterized as inconsistent. In fact, I was left wishing it was possible for me to have somehow ended the trip w/the drive fr. CO to Las Vegas. The 36 hrs. that Steve and I spent in that truck before Vegas were the most enjoyable of the roughly 35,000 hrs. we have known each other, at least in my opinion. We did not bicker. We talked abt. more thgs. than we had covered in the four previous yrs. together. We seemed to have, at the last possible moment, called a truce. It was one of those times where you are all too aware of its limited, finite nature, but you can't help wishing it would never change. You pay more attn. to details like the color of the sky or the shape of the landscape around you or the time when the other person finished your sentence b/c it was the first time he had thought deeply abt. anythg. you have said (even if what you said was smthg. you read fr. someone else's book).
That was where I wanted the trip to end, w/our pre-Vegas drive and a semblance of normalcy and understanding, not in the diesel fuel lot of some gas station where it is impossible to say the thgs. you shouldn't have waited until the last min. to say anyhow, and so you say nothg. at all, nothg. that matters.
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